Robber Jokes / Recent Jokes

Copied from Ann Landers column who received it from John Wherle, Graffiti Magazine columnist.
Dear John Wehrle: Thanks for sending these on. They cracked me up. Here goes:
A thief stole a van in Chicago without realizing that its owner was sitting on the roof. The owner managed to hang onto the top of the car during a ride on the interstate at speeds of up to 65 mph. When the thief pulled over and got out of the car, the owner jumped on him and held him down until the police arrived.
In Virginia, a bank robber was nabbed because he made the classic mistake of returning to the scene of the crime. He was collared after he tried to deposit some of the loot into the same bank he had held up a month earlier. He was recognized because the same teller waited on him both times.
At a Topeka, Kan., convenience store, a robber who discovered there wasn't very much money in the cash register tied up the clerk and waited on customers for three hours in order to increase his more...

This is 'apparently' a true story.
A guy with a shotgun walked in to a small corner store and demanded all the cash from the cash drawer. After the cashier had placed all the money in a bag, the robber noticed a bottle of liquor he wanted on a shelf behind the counter. He demanded that the cashier put the bottle in the bag too, but the cashier refused and said, "I can't do that because I don't believe you're of legal drinking age."
The robber insisted that he was, but still the clerk didn't believe him and refused to give him the bottle. The robber then took his driver's license out of his wallet and gave it to the clerk.
After looking over the license, the clerk agreed that the robber was of legal drinking age and put the bottle of liquor in the bag. The robber then fled the store with his loot.
The clerk quickly called the police, giving them the name and address of the robber which he had gotten from the driver's license.
A couple of hours later the more...

Here are some easy lessons gleaned from the experiences of a number of would-be robbers.

PICK THE RIGHT BANK

You don't want to make the same mistake as the fellow in Anaheim, CA, who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money.



STUDY YOUR HISTORY

Don't try to stick up the First National Bank of Northfield, Minnesota. Jesse James tried it 111 years ago, and the townsfolk took just seven minutes to kill two and capture three of his gang. Nobody tried again until 1984, and the customers chased the guy down. They're tight with their dollar, those Minnesotans.



SPEAK TO THE RIGHT TELLER

One robber in Upland, CA, presented his note to the teller, and her father, who was in the next line, got all bent out of shape about it. He wrestled the guy to the ground and sat on him until authorities arrived.



DON'T SIGN YOUR DEMAND NOTE

Demand notes have more...

Why did the bank robber take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway.

A man was robbing a house in the middle of the
night. All of a sudden, he hears a parrot cry
out,' Jesus is gonna get you.'
The robber takes it as nothing, and takes the
TV. Again, the parrot says,' Jesus is gonna get
you.'
The robber was beginning to get a little
worried. To see how smart the parrot was, he
asked' What's your name, little birdie?'
The parrot replies,' Moses.'
The robber says,' What idiot named you Moses?'
The parrot responded,' The same idiot who
named a rottweiler(dog) Jesus.'

Q: What is the difference between a peeping tom and a robber?
A: A robber snatches watches.

Why did the robber take a bath? So he could make a clean getaway.