Robbers Jokes / Recent Jokes
ATTITUDE IS EVERYTHING......... By Francie Baltazar-Schwartz
Jerry was the kind of guy you love to hate. He was always in a good mood and always had something positive to say. When someone would ask him how he was doing, he would reply, "If I were any better, I would be twins!"
He was a unique manager because he had several waiters who had followed him around from restaurant to restaurant. The reason the waiters followed Jerry was because of his attitude. He was a natural motivator. If an employee was having a bad day, Jerry was there telling the employee how to look on the positive side of the situation.
Seeing this style really made me curious, so one day I went up to Jerry and asked him, "I don't get it! You can't be a positive person all of the time. How do you do it?"
Jerry replied, "Each morning I wake up and say to myself,' Jerry, you have two choices today. You can choose to be in a good mood or you can choose to be in a bad mood.' more...
Rules for Bank robbers
According to the FBI, most modern-day bank robberies are "unsophisticated and unprofessional crimes," committed by young male repeat offenders who apparently don't know the first thing about their business. This information was included in an interesting, amusing article titles "How Not to Rob a Bank," by Tim Clark, which appeared in the 1987 edition of The Old Farmers Almanac.
Clark reported that in spite of the widespread use of surveillance cameras, 76 percent of bank robbers use no disguise, 86 percent never study the bank before robbing it, and 95 percent make no long-range plans for concealing the loot. Thus, he offered this advice to would-be bank robbers, along with examples of what can happen if the rules aren't followed: Pick the right bank. Clark advises that you don't follow the lead of the fellow in Anaheim, Cal., who tried to hold up a bank that was no longer in business and had no money. On the other hand, you don't more...
Two lawyers are in a bank, when armed robbers suddenly burst in. While several
of the robbers take the money from the tellers, others line the customers, including the lawyers, up against a wall, and proceed to take their wallets, watches, etc. While this is going on lawyer number one jams something in lawyer number two's hand.Without looking down, lawyer number two whispers, “What is this?”To which lawyer number one replies, “It's that $50 I owe you.”
In the wee hours of the morning three Irish robbers meet and embark on their plans to get rich. Once inside the bank, efforts at disabling the internal security system get under way immediately. The robbers, expecting to find one or two huge safes filled with cash and valuables were more than surprised to see hundreds of smaller safes scattered strategically throughout the bank.
The first safe's combination was cracked, and inside the robbers found only a bowl of vanilla pudding. "Well," said one robber to another, "at least we got a bit to eat." They opened up the second safe and it also contained nothing but vanilla pudding, and the process continued until all the safes were opened and there was not one dollar, a diamond, nor an ounce of gold to be found.
Instead, all the safes contained containers of pudding. Disappointed, each of the mobsters made a quiet exit, leaving with nothing more than queasy, uncomfortably full more...
Two robbers broke onto a lodging house in Glasgow. They were discovered and a tremendous fight broke out. Bleeding and covered in bruises they finally managed to escape through a window. Well, we didn`t do too badly said one, `we came out with twenty pounds.` `Thats true,` said the other, `but we went in with sixty pounds.`
Three English robbers went to France in a boat, hoping to rob a factory, and then make it back to England. They were robbing the factory, when the guard came in. They knocked the guard out with a slab of concrete, but they didn't realise that before the guard came to investigate, he had called the police. The robbers went out of the factory to find themselves surrounded by police.
The guard was rushed to hospital but on the way he died. The three robbers were now convicted of murder, and the punishment for that is the guillotine. The first man was asked whether he wants a blindfold, or not, and if he wanted to face up or down. He asked for the blindfold, and to face down. The blade was dropped and millimetres from his neck, it stopped.
It was customary that if you don't die on the first go, you are let free, so the first man was let free. The second man asked for a blindfold, and to face up. Again with him, the blade stopped millimetres from his neck, so he too was a free more...
Two lawyers are standing in line together in a bank waiting for a teller, when suddenly bank robbers burst through the doors and begin to rob the bank.
"Everyone line up and take out your wallets, purses, watches, jewelry, and any other valuables you have on you," shouts one of the robbers. They start at one end of the line, collecting the valuables from each person.
Before they reach the lawyers, one pulls out his wallet and takes out three hundred-dollar bills. Handing them to the the other lawyer, he says, "Oh, by the way, here is the $300 I owe you."