Roger Jokes / Recent Jokes

A regular Friday night poker game was still going strong well after midnight when one of the players returned from bathroom with an urgent report.

"Roger, listen," he told the host, "Walter's in the kitchen making love to your wife!"

"OK, that's it, guys," Roger said. "This is positively the last deal."

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.

St. Peter: Hi, what`s your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Paul: 120K.
St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Paul: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: That`s great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what`s your name?
Roger: My name is Roger.
St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
St. Peter: Hey, that`s great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
St. Peter: That`s very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what`s your name?
John: My name is John.
St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $23, 000.
St. Peter: Hey, that`s fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument more...

North Pole -- In the wake of accusations of the sexual abuse of children by pop-star Michael Jackson, a former SantaCo employee has made startling allegations regarding the CEO of SantaCo, Santa Claus.

Roger Keebler, half-brother of the cookie mogul, and a long-time media bad boy, left SantaCo in November. Keebler, who leveled the accusations at a press conference last night, refused top detail the reasons for his departure from SantaCo. Though, in a written statement, he simply said that he left due to a disagreement over a claus (sic) in his contract and because it was "a matter of conscience."

Keebler claims that Claus (alias Kris Kringle) "likes to have little children sit on his lap and he promises them presents, including toys nd pets." Keebler claims to have arranged liaisons for Claus. "The old pervert likes malls." Keebler said, "and he even had me take PICTURES!" Keebler further alleged that Claus would apparently more...

Best when told with a heavy Italian accent when the father speaks.
An Italian boy has a life long dream to go to school in the United
States and it finally comes true (good thing for this joke) when he is
accepted to Columbia University in New York. After a couple of years
at school his father comes to visit him in America.
The boy is
very excited to see his father and ask what he would like to do in
America. The father says, "This is'a America. I'd a like'a to go'a to
a baseball game."
So they head on down to Yankee stadium and as it
turns out it's oldtimers day. Roger Maris comes to bat and hits a
long ball which is heading for the left field seats. The father stands
up and yells, "RUN'A ROGER, RUN."
Micky Mantle comes up next and hits
a fly ball to deep right field. Again, the father stands up, and yells
"RUN'A MICKEY, RUN."
Next Joe Dimagio steps out to the plate. There
pitcher throws more...

Roger was sitting in a very full bus when a fat woman opposite said, "If you were a gentleman, young man, you'd stand up and let someone else sit down." "And if you were a lady," replied Roger, "you'd stand up and let four people sit down."

Three men die and go to heaven and queue to meet St. Peter.
St. Peter: Hi, what's your name?
Paul: My name is Paul.
St. Peter: Hi, Paul. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Paul: 120K.
St. Peter: Wow! Tell me, Paul, what were you doing to earn that kind of money?
Paul: I was a lawyer.
St. Peter: That's great. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
Roger: My name is Roger.
St. Peter: Hi, Roger. Tell me, when you died, how much were you earning?
Roger: 60K.
St. Peter: Hey, that's great! Tell me, Roger:, what did you do for a living?
Roger: I was an accountant.
St. Peter: That's very good. Come on in. St. Peter then turned to the second man. Hi, what's your name?
John: My name is John.
St. Peter: Hi, John. Tell me, John, how much were you earning when you died?
John: About $23, 000.
St. Peter: Hey, that's fantastic, John! Tell me, what instrument did you more...

The Ten Commandments
1. Thou shall not squeeze too hard on the opposite sexes genetalia
2. Thou shall not ask for a kiss, just give one or take one
3. Thou shall kiss at every given opportunity
4. If thou kissed someone, and was slapped, thou shalt not kiss her again.
5. Thou shall never bite when in the act of french kissing
6. Thou shall not pay for sexual intercourse
7. Thou shall not date members of state or Musicians
8. Thou shall not have sexual intercourse in public convieniences.
9. thou should never turn down free sexual intercourse
10. Procreate at will
Religions of the world
Taoism: Shit happens
Confucianism: Confucius say, shit happens
Hinduism: This shit has happened before
Buddhism: Shit happens, yet shit does not happen
Islam: Shit happens, is Allah wills
Judaism: Why does this shit always happen to me?
Protestantism: Let shit happen to other people
Catholicism: If shit more...