Rolex Jokes / Recent Jokes

A girl was visiting her blond friend who had acquired two new dogs, and asked her what their names were. The blonde responded by saying that one was named Rolex and one was named Timex.
Her friend said, "Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?" "Hellooooooo" answered the blond. "They're watch dogs!

A lawyer's car stalled on the side of the freeway. As he was getting out to see what was the matter, a reckless driver swerved taking off the whole car door and knocking the lawyer to the ground. A passing police car pulled over. As the policeman got out he heard the lawyer shouting,' my mercedes, my brand new mercedes!" As the policeman approached he was shocked to notice the lawyer's right arm missing.''Do you realize your arm is gone?'' asked the policeman? The lawyer, stunned, began to scream, "My rolex, my brand new rolex!"

there was a man walking home from a party with his buddies and he looks at them and says man im so thirsty i have to go get a drink, the guys say ya thats cool we will meet up later. So the guy walks around looking for the closest bar he could find and without even looking at the name he walks right in. When he gets inside he saw nothing but girls that looked like guys and guys that acted liked girls...but he didnt care he just wanted a drink. So he walked up to the bartender and said hey i need a bud light. the bartender looked at him and said whats your name? the man said John so the bartender said nope sorry man i cant serve you. John got all heated and said well why not and the bartender said cus you dont have a name then john said but i gave you my name...its john the bartender said no sir im sorry i still cant serve you. so john looks to his left and then to his right and taps the guy to his left on the shoulder. he said hey man whats your name? and the man on the right said more...

There was once a Gujarati living in USA called Raju Patel, who was involved in a car accident.
At the hospital, when he awoke, he called for the nurse to tell him what had happened to him.
"I'm very sorry, sir, but you were involved in a very bad car crash."
"Car crash! My Porsche! Is my car all right?" he asked hysterically.
"Sir, your car was destroyed, but that is the least of your worries - you lost your left arm in the crash, and we were unable to save it," she said apologetically.
"I lost my arm? My Rolex! My Rolex!"
"Sir, please calm down. That is the least of your worries.
You are in a very critical condition, but all your family are here to see you."
He asked for his family to be called in.
As they gathered around the bed, he called for each of them by name. "Shilpa, are you here?"
"I am here husband, and I will never leave you."
"Dilip, are you more...

A very successful lawyer parked his brand-new Lexus in front of his office, ready to show it off to his colleagues. As he got out, a truck passed too close and completely tore off the door on the driver's side. The lawyer immediately grabbed his cell phone, dialed 911, and within minutes a policeman pulled up.
Before the officer had a chance to ask any questions, the lawyer started screaming hysterically. His Lexus, which he had just picked up the day before, was now completely ruined and would never be the same, no matter what the body shop did to it.
When the lawyer finally wound down from his ranting and raving, the officer shook his head in disgust and disbelief. "I can't believe how materialistic you lawyers are," he said. "You are so focused on your possessions that you don't notice anything else."
"How can you say such a thing?" asked the lawyer.
The cop replied, "Don't you know that your left arm is missing from the elbow more...

Submitted by Jim Porter

Are you a wealthy and successful suit-and-tie yuppie businessman who has always had a secret dream that you would one day become a redneck? Have you always wanted to be a Bubba, but didn? t know how? Well, now you can!

Just follow these instructions. Purchase the following: one pair of overalls, one pack of chewing tobacco and six cases of beer. That? s all you will need to start!

Caution: These instructions MUST be followed in your BUSINESS OFFICE.

1) You are a dignified, well-groomed yuppie executive; therefore, as you read this, it is assumed you are wearing a pair of well-polished $800 Brooks Brothers black dress shoes and silk socks, a $2, 000 pinstriped Armani business suit tailored for you, a $150 silk necktie with matching pocket square and suspenders, a starched white shirt, monogrammed cufflinks, silver tiepin and a Rolex as you read this. FIRST, untie and remove fancy shoes. Peel off socks. DO THIS NOW! Be more...

NATIONAL CURE FOR DIARRHEA:
Pil' ChiKit' Teck Aun The miracle cure! It works. Ten minutes and you're "dried" up. Always pack some of this stuff when you're traveling. NATIONAL CAUSE OF CONSTIPATION:
Pil' ChiKit' Teck Aun The pills are so tiny it's easy to swallow an extra mouthful and overdose on it. No one can help you here. NATIONAL CURE FOR "HEATINESS":
Eno, Leng Chee Kang, Chinese Herbal Tea, Tonic Water, Barley Drink, Chin Chau. NATIONAL PASTIME ON WEEKENDS:
Queuing up patiently at Magnum 4D shops This is very strange. On week days you'll find the same people jumping queues, elbowing the next guy at the bus stops, train stations etc. THEORY & REALITY. The probability of you winning the first prize at a 4D game is 10000 to 1. Hard to comprehend? Imagine you're at the Merdeka Stadium and you're standing on the field facing the grandstand. There are only 10000 spectators and you have lost your car keys. One of these guys in the crowd have more...