Rome Jokes / Recent Jokes

One balmy evening in Rome the Pope decides to take a walk.He slips out the rear door of the Vatican and is walkingthrough the back alleys of Rome when he sees a ten-year-oldboy smoking a cigarette. The Pope gently says to him, "Youngman, you're much too young to smoke!"The kid looks up at the Pope and says, "Fuck you!"The Pope is completely taken aback. "What?" he says. "You saythat to *me*, the Pontiff, the Vicar of Christ, the head ofthe Roman Catholic Church? I am the spiritual leader formillions of people, young man, the representative of God, and you dare to say that to *me*? No, no, no, kid, fuck *YOU*!"

The US Standard railroad gauge (distance between the rails) is 4 feet, 8.5 inches. That's an exceedingly odd number. Why was that gauge used?
Because that's the way they built them in England, and the US railroads were built by English expatriates. Why did the English people build them like that? Because the first rail lines were built by the same people who built the pre-railroad tramways, and that's the gauge they used. Why did "they" use that gauge then? Because the people who built the tramways used the same jigs and tools that they used for building wagons, which used that wheel spacing. Why did the wagons use that odd wheel spacing? Well, if they tried to use any other spacing the wagons would break on the old long distance roads, because that's the spacing of the old wheel ruts. So who built these old rutted roads? The first long distance roads in Europe were built by
Imperial Rome for the benefit of their Legions. The roads have been used ever since. And the more...

A glossary of Medical Terms, and alternate meanings as given by Sardars
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Benign................ What you be after you be eight.
Artery................ The study of paintings.
Bacteria.............. Back door to cafeteria.
Barium................ What doctors do when patients die.
Cesarean Section...... A neighborhood in Rome.
Catscan............... Searching for kitty.
Cauterize............. Made eye contact with her.
Colic................. A sheep dog.
Coma.................. A punctuation mark.
D & C................. Where Washington is.
Dilate................ To live long.
Enema................. Not a friend.
Fester................ Quicker than someone else.
Fibula................ A small lie.
Genital............... Non-Jewish person.
G. I. Series........... World Series of military baseball.
Hangnail.............. What you more...

A man was getting a haircut prior to a trip to Rome. He mentioned the trip to the barber who responded, "Rome? Why would anyone want to go there?
It's crowded & dirty and full of Italians. You're crazy to go to Rome.
So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking TWA," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"TWA?" exclaimed the barber. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late.
So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at the downtown International Marriott."
"That dump! That's the worst hotel in the city. The rooms are small, the service is surly and they're overpriced. So, whatcha doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to see the Vatican and we hope to see the Pope."
"That's rich," laughed the barber. "You and a million other people trying to see him. He'll look the size of an more...

A woman was at her hairdresser's getting her hair styled for a trip to Rome with her husband. She mentioned the trip to the hairdresser, who responded:
"Rome? Why would anyone want to go there? It's crowded and
dirty. You're crazy to go to Rome. So, how are you getting there?"
"We're taking Continental," was the reply. "We got a great rate!"
"Continental?" exclaimed the hairdresser. "That's a terrible airline. Their planes are old, their flight attendants are ugly, and they're always late. So, where are you staying in Rome?"
"We'll be at this exclusive little place over on Rome's Tiber River called este." "Don't go any further. I know that place. Everybody thinks it's gonna be something special and exclusive, but it's really a dump, the worst hotel in the city! The rooms are small, the service is surly, and they're overpriced. So, whatcha' doing when you get there?"
"We're going to go to more...

One fine day in ancient Rome, Julius Caesar turned his attention to a problem plaguing his mighty empire: laundry. Getting all those white togas clean was a constant pain. He also had some weird ideas that if he could get the togas stiff enough, they would be like a light coat of armor... not enough to last through a sustained battle, but enough to ward off an assassin's arrow.

He figured the easiest way to get this done on a large scale would be to dump a bunch of detergent into a tidal pool, and dump the toga's in afterwards. (This was two thousand years ago... the environmental movement was restricted to a few druids here and there). The gentle motion of the tides would wash the dirt out. Afterwards, all that would have to be done would be to throw some starch in, and then pull the toga's out to dry.

He assigned this task to some of his scientists and engineers. They started executing his plan, and all was going well until they threw in the starch. The goddess more...