Room Jokes / Recent Jokes

101 Reasons why women prefer cucumbers to Men
1. The average cucumber is at least 6 inches long.
2. Cucumbers stay hard for a week.
3. Cucumbers won't tell you size doesn't count.
4. Cucumbers don't get too excited.
5. Cucumbers never suffer from performance anxiety.
6. Cucumbers are easy to pick up.
7. You can fondle a cucumber in a supermarket... and you know how firm it is before you take it home.
8. Cucumbers can get away any weekend.
9. With a cucumber you can get a single room... and you won't have to check-in as Mrs. Cucumber.
10. A cucumber will always respect you in the morning.
11. You can go to a movie with a cucumber... and see the movie.
12. You can go to a drive-in with a cucumber... and you can stay in the front seat.
13. With a cucumber you can always wait until you get home.
14. A cucumber won't eat all the popcorn... or send you out for Milk Duds.
15. A cucumber won't drag you to a John Wayne Film more...

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his
father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad
humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!"
Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm
playing poker...and your mother's the wild card". "Oh,"says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to
look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away! "Ernie!" cried Johnny, "What are you doing!". Ernie stops humping for a second and says, "Well...I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard. "Oh", says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He
opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it more...

One day, after striking gold in Alaska, a lonesome miner came down from the mountains and walked into a saloon in the nearest town. "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!" he said to the bartender.
"We got her," replied the barkeep. "She's upstairs in the second room on the right."
The miner handed the bartender a gold nugget to pay for the whore and two beers. He grabbed the bottles, stomped up the stairs, kicked open the second door on the right and yelled, "I'm lookin' for the meanest, roughest and toughest whore in the Yukon!"
The woman inside the room looked at the miner and said, "You found her!"
Then she stripped naked, bent over and grabbed her ankles.
"How do you know I want to do it in that position?" asked the miner.
"I don't," replied the whore, "but I thought you might like to open those beers first."

Three couples were married and stayed at the same hotel for their honeymoons, where they were all taken care of by Dave the Bellboy. The first man married a nurse. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "What a lucky guy. Nurses are known to be hot to trot". The second man married a telephone operator. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself,"Wow, he's a lucky one. Telephone operators have sexy voices and once you pop that top button...Va-voom.". The third man married a school teacher. Dave showed them to their room and thought to himself, "Poor guy, she's pretty but teachers are just too frigid". The next morning, Dave reported to work at 5:30 in the morning. He expected only the teacher's husband to call for breakfast any minute and the other two would call much later in the day. At 6:00 a.m. the phone rang. It was the nurse's husband wanting breakfast. The nurse's husband opened the door and Dave stepped back in shock. The more...

Overview: I had to take my son's hamster to the vet. Here's what happened:

Just after dinner one night, my son came up to tell me there was "something wrong" with one of the two hamsters he holds prisoner in his room.

"He's just lying there looking sick," he told me.

"Oldest trick in the book, son," I informed him.

"You go in to see what's wrong with the sick one and the other one sneaks up behind you and bonks you on the head. Then they change into your clothes and escape."

"I'm serious, Dad. Can you help?"

I put my best hamster-healer expression on my face and followed him into his bedroom. One of the little rodents was indeed lying on his back, looking distressed. I immediately knew what to do. Call the professional.

"Honey," I called, "come look at the hamster!"

"Oh, my gosh," my wife diagnosed after a minute. more...

You Might Be a Redneck If
You take your dog for a walk and you both use the same tree to relieve
yourselves.
You can't take a nap without at least one hand tucked inside your pants.
You can entertain yourself for more than an hour with a fly swatter.
You've ever stolen toilet paper.
Your property has been mistaken for a recycling center.
There's an expired license plate hanging on your living room wall.
You've ever been pumping gas and another customer asks you to check his oil.
You think the Bud Bowl is real.
You think "six to ten pounds" on the side of the Pampers box means how much
the diaper will hold.
You think the Nutcracker is something you did off the high dive.
You have a black eye and a hickey at the same time.
Your kids have a three-day old Kool-Aid mustache
You offer to give somebody the shirt off your back and they don't want it.
Your chili's secret ingredient comes from the bait shop.
Turning more...

There's this man who's taking a walk around the red light districtuntil he passes a whorehouse with a blinking sign saying: "TheHooker With Three Breasts...". The man get's just a littleinterested and thinks "well... that could be a once in a lifetimeexperience". So he goes in and walks up to the man behind thecounter. "I'd like to see the hooker with the three breasts" hesays." Are you sure you can afford that... It'll cost you a thousanddollars" the pimp replies. But, the man is too exited, pull's hiswallet and pays him the money. So, he's taken up three stairs to alittle room in the back of the house and when he opens the room... there she is. The room is dark but as he comes closer he sees it... three breasts! And so the man absolutely has the night of his life. The next day the man walks past that same whorehouse and thinking ofthe night before and the time he had, he goes in and pays the pimpanother thousand dollars. Again, he goes up more...