"Full House!" joke

Little Johnny has a question, so he goes around the house to find his
father. He opens his dad's bedroom door and finds his mom and dad
humping away on the bed! "Dad!" says Johnny, "What are you doing!"
Johhny's father stops humping for a second and says "Well, Johnny, I'm
playing poker...and your mother's the wild card". "Oh,"says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Still in need of an answer to his question, Little Johnny set out to
look for his big brother, Ernie. He opens his brother's bedroom door and finds Ernie and his sister Thelma humping away! "Ernie!" cried Johnny, "What are you doing!". Ernie stops humping for a second and says, "Well...I'm playing poker, Johnny... and Thelma is the wildcard. "Oh", says Johnny and he leaves the room.
Later, Johnny's dad approached Johnny's room to call him to dinner. He
opens Johnny's bedroom door and finds Johnny wacking off like it was
going out of style! "Johnny!" his father said, "I see you're playing
poker, but where's your wildcard?"
Johnny replies, "With a hand like this, who needs a wildcard!"

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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A woman's breasts are like a child's toys. They are meant for the child - but the husband is the one that usually ends up playing with them.

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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I'm hungry:

"I could eat the crotch out of a dead leper's undies."
"I could eat the horse and chase the jockey."
"So hungry I'd eat a shit sandwich, only I don't like bread."
"I could eat the arse out of a rag doll more...

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Your Mamma's so fat, when she went bungee jumping, she broke the bridge!

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