Room Jokes / Recent Jokes

A painting contractor was speaking with a woman about a job. In the first room, she said she would like a pale blue. The contractor wrote this down and went to the window, opened it, and yelled out
"GREEN SIDE UP!"
In the second room, she told the painter she would like it painted in a soft yellow. He wrote this on his pad, walked to the window, opened it, and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!" The lady was somewhat curious but she said nothing.
In the third room, she said she would like it painted a warm rose color. The painter wrote this down, walked to the window, opened it and yelled "GREEN SIDE UP!"
The lady then asked him, "Why do you keep yelling 'green side up'?"
"I'm sorry," came the reply. "But I have a crew of blondes laying sod across the street."

A Doctor wants to take his mental patients in a plane for a change. When the plane started the mental patients in the plane were doing lot of mischieves and even disturbing the Pilots in the plane. A pilot came out from his engine room and asked the doctor to keep the mental patients quiet and asked to maintain the pin drop silence in the plane without disturbing other passengers. After sometime the plane was very silent and the pilot was wondering how it happened. After a while the pilot came out of his engine room to see what is happening. He saw the mental patients are missing in the plane. He asked the Doctor where are they? The Doctors quietly replied that he told them to play outside. So they are playing outside.The pilot got Panic....

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner.
At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters,
busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady.
I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line, but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.
As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises".
She replied, "Yes, that's true. It's cheaper than a nursing home".
After talking with her, I decided there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship.
The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per more...

One day a little boy was playing with his airplane in the dining room while his mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
He decided that it was time for the plane to come in for a landing.
He set it down on the table and said, "All you assholes who want to get off, get the hell off! All you assholes that want to stay on, stay the hell on!"
Hearing this, the boy's mother comes running out of the kitchen and says, "I can't believe that...where did you hear...go to your room until I call you!" "Okay, mom," says the boy as he sulks up to his room.
About an hour later, the boy's mom calls him back downstairs and says, "You are a young boy and we don't use that kind of language in this in this house."
"Okay," says the boy and goes back to playing with the airplane. "All right, all passengers wishing to depart the plane, please do so. All passengers wishing to remain on the plane, please do so. And all you assholes who more...

A six year old goes to the hospital with his grandma to visit his grandpa.
When they get to the hospital, he runs ahead of his grandma and bursts into his grampa's room.
"Grampa, Grampa," he says excitedly, "as soon as grandma comes into the room, make a noise like a frog!"
"What?" said his grandpa.
"Make a noise like a frog because grandma said that as soon as you croaked, we're going to Disneyland!!!"

A man went to a psychiatrist to seek some help for depression. As he entered the reception room he noticed two doors marked "Men" and "Women". He went through the door marked "Men.

He then encountered two other doors marked "Extrovert" and "Introvert". He decided that he was an introvert and opened that door. He found himself in a room with two more doors marked "Those Making $40,000 and Over" and "Those Making Less than $40,000."

He knew that he made less than $40,000, so he opened that door. He found himself outside the building.

During a dinner party, the hosts' two little kids entered the dining room totally nude and walked slowly around the table.
The parents were so embarrassed that they pretended nothing was happening and kept the conversation going.
The guests co-operated and also continued as if nothing extraordinary was happening. After going all the way around the room, the children left.
As they disappeared out of sight, there was a moment of silence at the table, during which one child was heard to say, "You see, it is Vanishing cream!"