"Delayed Plane" joke

One day a little boy was playing with his airplane in the dining room while his mom was in the kitchen making dinner.
He decided that it was time for the plane to come in for a landing.
He set it down on the table and said, "All you assholes who want to get off, get the hell off! All you assholes that want to stay on, stay the hell on!"
Hearing this, the boy's mother comes running out of the kitchen and says, "I can't believe that...where did you hear...go to your room until I call you!" "Okay, mom," says the boy as he sulks up to his room.
About an hour later, the boy's mom calls him back downstairs and says, "You are a young boy and we don't use that kind of language in this in this house."
"Okay," says the boy and goes back to playing with the airplane. "All right, all passengers wishing to depart the plane, please do so. All passengers wishing to remain on the plane, please do so. And all you assholes who want to complain about the hour's delay, go talk to the bitch in the kitchen!

A cop pulled a guy over for speeding at which time the following conversation was exchanged:
Cop: May I see your driver's license?

Driver: Sorry, I don't have one. It was suspended when I got my 5th DUI.

Cop: May I see the owner's card for the more...

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A couple was invited to a swanky masked Halloween Party. She got a terrible headache and told her husband to go to the party alone. He, being a devoted husband, protested, but she argued and said she was going to take some aspirin and go to bed, and there was no need of his good more...

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I was in the restaurant yesterday when I suddenly realized I desperately
needed to pass gas. The music was really, really loud, so I timed my
gas with the beat of the music.

After a couple of songs, I started to feel better. I finished my coffee,
and more...

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A girl goes into the doctor's office for a checkup. As she takes off her blouse, he notices a red "H" on her chest.

"How did you get that mark on your chest?" asks the doctor.

"Oh, my boyfriend went to Harvard and he's so proud of more...

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A very attractive lady goes up to a bar in a quiet rural pub. She gestures alluringly to the bartender who comes over immediately. When he arrives, she seductively signals that he should bring his face closer to hers. When he does, she begins to gently caress his full more...

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