Rope Jokes / Recent Jokes

The Franklin Factor:
Early to bed and early to rise means it's time to meet more guys.

The Rat Race:
If there's one rat in a room full of nice men, he'll hit on you first.

The Eyeglass Prescription:
Don't wear your glasses on a blind date.
You'll look better, and he will too.

The Ring Rule:
A watched telephone never rings.

The Creep Call:
Never pick up the phone on Saturday night.
It's a call from a creep you told you were busy.

The Fishing Forecast:
They say there are lots of good fish in the sea.
But who wants to go out with a fish?

The Psychological Prognosis:
Love is a form of temporary insanity curable by marriage.

The Rope Trick:
Give a man enough rope and he'll lasso another woman.

Mind Over Matter:
No one ever falls in love with another person's mind at a cocktail party.

The Fault Finder:
The faster way to discover more...

So there was this horse and a chicken that lived on a farm. The horse and the chicken were in fact two very good friends. One day the horse fell into a mud hole that he could not get out of. The chicken saw this and said, "What should I do?","What should I do?". and the horse replies,"Go get the farmers BMW and a rope so that you can pull me out".
So, the chicken runs and gets the BMW and a rope. He drives it back, ties the rope to the horse and the other end to the car. The chicken puts the car in gear and pulls the horse out. "Wow", the horse said. "Thanks alot out there".
So one day the chicken falls into the hole. "Help, Help" he is saying."Go get the farmers BMW and a rope to pull me out!" The horse said, "No need....I just straddle the hole and you hold onto my dick and pull me out" "OK" said the chicken. So the chicken grabs a hold of his dick and is pulled out.
What is the more...

There were 11 people hanging onto a rope that came down from a plane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die.
No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off."
After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping.

This is an accident report which appeared in the newsletter of the British equivalent of the Workers' Compensation Board. This is the report... a true story.
Dear Sir:
I am writing in response to your request for additional information in Block #3 of the accident report form. I put "Poor Planning" as the cause of my accident. You asked for a fuller explanation, and I trust the following details will be sufficient.
I am a bricklayer by trade. On the day of the accident, I was working alone on the roof of a new six-story building. When I completed my work, I found I had some bricks left over which, when weighed later, were found to be slightly in excess of 500 lbs.
Rather than carry the bricks down by hand, I decided to lower them in a barrel by using a pulley which was attached to the side of the building. at the sixth floor. Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went down and more...

There were 11 women hanging onto a rope that was hanging down a cliff. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should let go because if they didn't then the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette thought to herself "I'll let go.

their were these two ropes that wanted to get a drink in a bar one says go in and get us drinks so that rope went in and asked the bartender for a drink and the bartenter said no ropes alould so he went outside the bar and told the other not to try so he went in and said can i have a drink? and the bartender said arent you that rope that came here earlyer and the rope said im a frayed not

John Harrison was despondent. He'd been married for ten years and had nothing to show for it but twelve children; he and his wife were obviously compatible, but that was not enough.

He found it impossible to get by on a single job, so he'd taken two; now the long hours were beginning to affect his health. Slowly he trudged down the basement steps.

"I can't support my family," he said to himself, though he'd said the same thing many times to his wife as well. "I'm no good to them and no good to myself."

He picked up a piece of clothes line, made a noose, and placed it around his neck. "They'd be better off if I were dead," he said.

He climbed up on a box, tossed the loose end of the rope over a pipe and tied it securely to the top of the washing machine.

"If I were dead, they'd at least have the insurance," he said. "My sweet wife has given me everything, and I've had nothing to give her more...