Rope Jokes / Recent Jokes

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretched over the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my' thingy' and pull yourself up." And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes to pick up chicks.

one day a fireman was working on his truck when next door to him was a little girl working on her firetruck which was a wagon, the fireman goes over and says "Nice firetruck," the little girl replies "Thank you" theres a dog and a cat pulling the wagon. One rope tied to the dogs collar and the other rope tied to the cats testicles, the fireman says "It would be easier for the cat if u tied the rope around the cats collar," the little girl replies,"That wont work, cause then i wont have a siren!"

There were 11 people hanging on to a single rope that suspended them from a helicopter trying to bring them to safety. Ten were men; one was a woman. They all decided that one person would have to let go because if they didnt, the rope would break and all of them would die. No one could decide who it should be. Finally the woman gave a really touching speech, saying how she would give up her life to save the others, because women were used to giving things up for their husbands and children and giving in to men. All of the men started clapping.

A college drama group presented a play in which one character would stand on a trapdoor and announce, "I descend into hell!"
A stagehand below would then pull a rope, the trapdoor would open, and the character would plunge through. The play was well received. When the actor playing the part became ill, another actor who was quite overweight took his place.
When the new actor announced, "I descend into hell!" the stagehand pulled the rope, and the actor began his plunge, but became hopelessly stuck. No amount of tugging on the rope could make him descend.
One student in the balcony jumped up and yelled: "Hallelujah! Hell is full!"

On a transatlantic trip a freighter comes across three survivors of a shipwreck bobbing about sunburned and thirsty, in a rubber raft. The freighter`s captain, a Britisher, leans over the side and shouts, "I`d like to rescue you fellows, but I`ve got a few questions first." The first man, a Frenchman, he asks, "What`s the worst disaster in naval history?" "That would be the sinking of the Titanic," replies the Frenchman, and the captain throws down a rope and pulls him up. The next question he posed to the Irishman. "Can you tell me how many died?" "I`d say about 1250 people," came the reply, and a rope was dropped over the side to pull him aboard. "You`re from Poland aren`t you?" said the captain to the lone man in the raft. Turning away from the railing, the captain says, "Name `em."

Dear Sirs,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information. In block number 3 in the Accident Report Form I put "Lost Presence-of-Mind" as the cause of my
accident. You asked in your letter that I should explain more fully, and I trust the following details will be sufficient....
I am a bricklayer, by trade. On the day of the accident I was working alone on the roof of a new 6 story building. When I completed my work, I discovered I had about 500
pounds of bricks left over. Rather than carry them down by hand, I decided to lower them down in a barrel, using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the building at the 6th floor.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went up to the roof, swung the barrel out, and loaded the bricks into it. Then I went to the ground floor, untied the rope, holding it
tightly to ensure a slow decent of the 500 pounds of bricks. You will note in block number 3 of the Accident Reporting Form, more...

There were 11 blondes and one brunette on a rope climbing up a mountain. They had nothing to hold them to the rope. The rope began slipping and breaking.The brunette said, ''Girls, I'm going to let go of the rope, since it can't hold all of us. Your lives are more important to me. There are also many more of you..." and she made a big speech about how special they were. At the end, all of the blondes started clapping.