Rope Jokes / Recent Jokes
Army, Air Force, and Marine Generals were standing in front of a rappelling tower with a Navy Admiral. The Air Force General says to the others, "My men are the most courageous of the Armed Forces." "Ha!", said Army, "My men are the most courageous and I'll prove it." Army calls a Private over from the tower. He tells the Private, "I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Private yells and proceeds to climb the tower. The Private walks to the edge, yells "Hoo-ahh!", and jumps off the tower. He is killed instantly upon impact. "That's nothing," the Air Force General said, bored. He calls a Senior Airman over. "Son, I want you to jump off that tower- no rope, no parachute. And I want you to do it with style." "Yes, Sir!!!", the Senior Airman yells. He climbs to the top of the tower, walks to the edge and jumps. He executes a swan dive that would make Greg more...
Jacques LeFevrier left nothing to chance when he decided to commit suicide. He stood at the top of a tall cliff and tied a noose around his neck. He tied the other end of the rope to a large rock. He drank some poison and set fire to his clothes. He even tried to shoot himself at the last moment.
He jumped and fired the pistol. The bullet missed him and cut through the rope above him. Free of the threat of hanging, he plunged into the sea. The sudden dunking extinguished the flames and made him vomit the poison.
He was dragged out of the water by a kind fisherman and was taken to hospital, where he died. .. of exposure!!!
Back in the Old West three Texas cowboys were about to be hung for cattle rustling. The lynch mob brought the three men to a tree right at the edge of the Rio Grande. The idea was that when each man had died, theyd cut the rope and hed drop into the river and drift out of sight They put the first cowboy in the noose, but he was so sweaty and greasy he slipped out, fell in the river and swam to freedom. They tied the noose around the second cowboys head. He, too, oozed out of the rope, dropped into the river and got away. As they dragged the third Texan to the scaffold, he resisted, "Please! Would yawl tighten that noose a little bit? I cant swim!"
There were eleven people hanging onto a rope that came down from an airplane. Ten were blonde, and one was a brunette. They all decided that one person should get off because if they didn't, the rope would break and everyone would die. No one could decide who should go, so finally the brunette said, "I'll get off." After a really touching speech from the brunette saying she would get off, all of the blondes started clapping. Problem solved.
Dear Sir,
I am writing in response to your request for additional information for block number 3 of the accident reporting form. I put “poor planning” as the cause of my accident. You said in your letter that I should explain more fully and I trust the following detail will be sufficient.
I am an amateur radio operator and on the day of the accident, I was working alone on the top section of my new 80 foot tower. When I had completed my work, I discovered that I had, over the course of several trips up the tower, brought up about 300 pounds of tools and spare hardware. Rather than carry the now un-needed tools and material down by hand, I decided to lower the items down in a small barrel by using a pulley, which fortunately was attached to the gin pole at the top of the tower.
Securing the rope at ground level, I went to the top of the tower and loaded the tools and material into the barrel. Then I went back to the ground and untied the rope, holding it tightly to more...
heard this on the radio yesterday:
WBGL... Broadcasting God's Love in East-Central Illinois, West-Central Indiana... and now, North-Central Uzbekistan!
Ms. Single Mother is drowning 100 feet from shore.
Mr. Republican comes by. He throws her a 50 foot rope, and says he's done his share, now she needs to do her part and meet him half way.
Mr. Democrat comes by. He thows her a 200 foot rope, then drops his end.
- Tony Compolo (heard on the radio)
"We are a two-party system, so some day Labor will win. Our job is to hang on until they are sane." - Margaret Tatcher, 1987
"After losing in 1992, Labor decided to try sanity, installing Blair as leader." - George Will.