Roses Jokes / Recent Jokes

Need help coming up with that perfect ditty for your better (or worse) half? Perhaps these will help inspire you!
-These are entries to a competition asking for a rhyme with the most romantic first line but least romantic second line:
Love may be beautiful, love may be bliss
but I only slept with you, cause I was pissed
Roses are red, violets are blue, sugar is sweet, so are you.
But the roses are wilting, the violets are dead, the sugar bowl is empty and so is your head
Of loving beauty you float with grace
If only you could hide your face
I thought that I could love no other
Until, that is, I met your brother
Kind, intelligent, loving and hot
This describes everything you are not
I want to feel your sweet embrace
But don't take that paper bag off of your face
I love your smile, your face, and your eyes-
Damn, I'm good at telling lies!
Every time I see your face
I wish I were in outer space
I saw your face as you more...

Roses are red violets are blue, I'm schizophrenic and so am I.

Banta was very much in love with a beautiful girl.
One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. Banta told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life.
That evening Banta called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning.
As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since Banta was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet.
Poor Banta never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

A fellow was very much in love with a beautiful girl. One day she told him that the next day was her birthday. He told her he would send her a bouquet of roses... one for each year of her life. That evening he called the local florist and ordered twenty-one roses with instructions that they be delivered first thing the next morning. As the florist was preparing the order, he decided that since the young man was such a good customer, he would put an extra dozen roses in the bouquet. The fellow never did find out what made the young girl so angry with him.

Knock Knock
whos there
roses are red vileots are
roses are red vileots are who
no roses are read vileots are blue not who

For those of you that remember the old Mitch Miller song "Sweet Violets" This is a crude take off on it... (p.s. - this is similar to Gizzers 'Sweet Violets' #604 but different, funnier and possibly cruder!)
There was a young farmer who lived on a rock
He liked to count sheep while he fingered his...
Marbles and toys as in days of old yore
And for a companion he had a young...
Maiden whose passion was playing with dolls
She told him she wanted to nuzzle his...
Sweet violets
Sweeter than the roses
Covered all over from head to toe
In sweet violets
The farmer was pleased with all of his luck
She claimed that she'd show him a new way to...
Bring up the children and teach them to knit
While the boys in the barnyard were shoveling...
Hay from the stables and filling the rick
He told her he'd let her grab hold of his...
Long middle finger which had a slight rash
To soothe it he jammed it right into more...

I stopped at a florist shop after work to pick up roses for my wife. As the clerk was putting the finishing touches on the bouquet, a young man burst through the door, breathlessly requesting a dozen red roses. "I'm sorry," the clerk said. "This man just ordered our last bunch." The desperate customer turned to me and begged, "May I please have those roses?" "What happened?" I asked. "Did you forget your wedding anniversary?" "It's even worse than that," he confided. "I crashed my wife's hard drive!"