Rough Jokes / Recent Jokes

Once upon a time, this guy named Fred decided that he was rough and
tough enough to seek his fortune in the Wild West. (This was in the
days when the Wild West meant Texas and Arizona, with indians, outlaws,
tornados and droughts-not the current situation, where the Wild West
means California and you have to brave hottubs, mellowspeak, fires and
earthquakes. That is, it was a simpler time.)
So, Fred found his way to a frontier town and became the bartender at
the wildest saloon in the territory. He soon proved how rough and
tough he was, and the owner of the bar was pleased with how he broke up
fights and didn't skim too much off the receipts. He told Fred that he
(Fred) was doing a fine job, but he should remember one thing: "If you
ever hear even a rumor that Mad Martin is coming to town, just save
what you can, put a bottle of Red Eye on the counter, and head out of
town as fast as you can."
Fred was pretty perplexed more...

A guy goes to his local church during the week to see the priest and confess his sins. He goes into the confessional box and says, "Father during the week I said the F-word."
The priest says, "Well my son, say 3 Hail Mary's and your sins will be forgiven."
The guy however was quite eager to explain to the priest why he had used the F-word and grudgingly the priest agreed to listen to his explanation.
"Well I was playing golf last Sunday instead of coming to church," said the guy.
"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
"No," the guy replied. "I was on the first tee and I duck hooked my drive into this terrible rough."
"Is that why you said the F-word?" the priest asked.
"No," the guy replied getting quite annoyed with the constant interruptions to his story. "My ball took a lucky kick out of the rough and I was left with a perfect shot to the more...

An alien spaceship hovered over a golf course and two aliens watched a solitary golfer in sheer amazement. The golfer duffed his tee shot, shanked his second into the rough, took three to get out of the rough onto the fairway, sliced the next shot into the bushes. He then took a putter to get it out and on to the fairway again. Meanwhile, one alien told the other that he must be playing some sort of weird game and they continued to observe the golfer. The golfer then skulled a shot into a bunker by the green. He then took several shots to get out of the bunker and finally on to the green. He putted several times until he finally got into the hole. At this point, the other alien told his partner, "Wow, now he's really in serious trouble!"

Bart and Andrew were playing golf, and, teeing off, Bart sliced to the left and sent his ball flying into the rough. Going after it, he found the ball nestled in a field of buttercups. Taking out his nine-iron; Bart started thrashing away at the buttercups, looking for his ball.
Suddenly Bart heard a woman's voice behind him. "What are you doing?"
Turning, he saw a lovely young woman dressed in a flowing white gown and a wreath of red roses around her head.
Bart said, "What's it any of your business?"
The woman replied, "I'm Mother Nature, and henceforth, for what you've done to my buttercups, you will become deathly sick for a full day whenever you eat butter."
With that the woman faded into a sunbeam and vanished. Astonished, Bart stumbled from the rough to find his partner and tell him what happened. Calling for Andrew, he heard his friend reply, "I'm over here, looking for my ball."
"Where? I can't see more...

It's been a rough day. I got up this morning, put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase, and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom.