Frank Jokes

Notes from an inexperienced chili tester named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The regular judge called in sick at the last minute and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the two other judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have all the free beer I wanted during the chili tasting, so I accepted.
Here are the scorecards from the event:
CHILI #1: MIKE'S MANIAC MOBSTER MONSTER CHILI
Judge #1: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
Judge #2: Nice, smooth flavor. Very mild.
Frank: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me 3 beers to put the flames out. I hope this is the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
CHILI #2: ARTHUR'S AFTERBURNER CHILI
Judge #1: Smoky, with more...

Frank is a hard worker, puts in a lot of overtime and spends most of his evenings bowling or working out at the gym. His wife, Susan, feels he is pushing himself too hard so, for his birthday, she takes him to a local strip club.
The doorman at the club greets them and says, "Hey, Frank, how ya doing tonight?" Susan is puzzled and asks Frank if he's been to the club before. "No, honey," Frank replies, "He's just a guy that works out at the same gym I go to."
When they are seated, a waitress approaches and asks Frank if he'd like his usual scotch. Susan, now becoming uncomfortable, says, "You must come here often for her to know that you drink scotch."
"No, she's in the Ladies Bowling League and we share lanes with them," Frank explains.
Just then, a stripper comes over to their table, throws her arms around Frank and says, "Hi, gorgeous, want your usual table dance?"
Now furious, Susan grabs her purse and more...

Frank and Ed were lifetime friends and the one thing they shared in their lives was baseball. They played on the same Little League team, the same Jr. High team, the same High School team. They both were even drafted by the same minor league team. After retiring from the game, the two friends bought season tickets for adjoining seats. Frank became ill and was on his death bed. Ed came to visit him and made Frank promise him to come back and tell him if there's baseball in the afterlife.Frank passes away that night. A day later, he visits Ed. Ed asks that burning question, "is there baseball in the afterlife?" Frank replies, "I've got good news and bad news. The good news is that there IS baseball in the afterlife." Upon hearing this, Ed is ecstatic! He says, "what could be bad after that?" Frank replies, "You're pitching on Saturday."

Two college students, Frank and Matt, are riding on a New York City subway when a beggar approaches them asking for spare change.
Frank adamantly rejects the man in disgust.
Matt, on the other hand, whips out his wallet, pulls out a couples of dollar bills and gladly hands them over to the beggar with a smile.
The beggar thanks him kindly and then continues on to the other passengers.
Frank is outraged by his friend's act of generosity.
"What on earth did you do that for?" shouts Frank.
"You know he's only going to use it on drugs or booze!!!"
Matt replies, "What...and we weren't?"

This guy was lonely, and decided life would be more fun if he had a pet. So he went to the pet store and told the owner he wanted to buy an unusual pet. After some discussion, he finally bought a centipede, which came in a little white box to use for his house. He took the box back home, found a good location for the box, and decided he would start off by taking his new pet to the bar to have a drink.
So he asked the centipede in the box, Would you like to go to Frank's with me for a beer? But there was no answer from his new pet. This bothered him a bit, but he waited a few minutes and then asked him again, How about going to the bar and having a drink with me?
But again there was no answer from his new friend and pet. So he waited a few more minutes, thinking about the situation and he decided to ask him one more time! This time, putting his face up against the centipede's little house he shouted, HEY, IN THERE, WOULD YOU LIKE TO GO TO FRANK'S PLACE AND HAVE A DRINK WITH more...