Rounds Jokes

MEMO TO: All Hospital Staff
FROM: Administration/Groundskeeper
SUBJECT: New Cost Cutting Measures
Effective January 1 this hospital will no longer provide security. Each charge nurse will be issued a .38 caliber revolver and 12 rounds of ammunition. An additional 12 rounds will be stored in the pharmacy. In addition to routine nursing duties, Charge Nurses will rotate the patrolling of the hospital grounds. A bicycle and helmet will be provided for patrolling the park areas.
In light of the similarity of monitoring equipment, ICU will now take over the security surveillance duties. The unit secretary will be responsible for watching cardio and security monitors as well as continuing previous secretarial duties.
Food service will be discontinued. Patients wishing to be fed will need to let their families know to bring something, or may make arrangements with Subway, Domino's, etc., before meal time. Coin-operated telephones will be available in the patient rooms for more...

A young intern is making his rounds late one night at the hospital. He enters into the room of an invalid woman who has been in a coma for over two years. No one comes to visit this poor woman anymore, but the intern is not as concerned with this as he is with finishing his rounds, the most mundane of his duties.
As the young doctor is straightening up the bed his hand accidentally rubs against the old woman's breast. Just then an extra "blip" comes from the monitors attached to the woman. The doctor's curiosity is peaked and he makes sure this is not a coincidence by touching the woman's breast again and sure enough there is another "blip". He decides to experiment further and places his hand in a more private place.
"Blip! blip, blip blip, blip blip" comes the sound from the monitor. The doctor is astounded. He calls the woman's husband who hasn't been in to see the woman in months. He very carefully explains to the man how he accidentally more...

Once generals of U. S, France and India were going in a ship. They started debating that whose soldiers are more brave.
The U. S. general called his soildier and ordered him to take two rounds of the moving ship, they did as he was told and returned.
The proud general screamed "see the guts of my soldiers". then, the french called his soldier and ordered them to take four rounds of the moving ship, they also obeyed his command and returned.
The general screamed more loudly "See the guts of my soldier'then the Indian called his soldier and asked him to take ten rounds of the ship.
He screamed loudly "Am I a slave of your father"
At that moment the indian soldiers shouted "SEE THE GUTS OF MY SOLDIERS".

In a ship the Generals of three nations were traveling with their soldiers. They started the topic that whose soldier had more of guts.
The American general called for one of his men and told him to jump down the ship and take a round swimming around the moving ship. The soldier did as he was commanded and the general boasted of by saying "See the guts !"
Now the German general called out for one of his men and asked him to take two similar rounds. The soldier did as he was told.
When he came back from the water the German said, "See the guts."
Now the Indian General called out for his most courageous man, Santa and asked him to take five similar rounds.
Santa promptly replied, "Am I your dad's servant?"
At this the general proudly said "See the guts".

While making rounds, a doctor points out an X-ray to a group of first year medical students.
"As you can see," she says, "the patient limps because his left fibula and tibia are radically arched. Michael, what would you do in a case like this?"
"Well," ponders the student, "I suppose I'd limp too."