Rubbed Jokes / Recent Jokes
He laid her on the table.
So white clean and bare.
His forehead wet with beads of sweat.
He rubbed her here and there.
He touched her neck and then her breast.
And then drooling felt her thigh.
The slit was wet and all was set,
He gave a joyous cry.
The hole was wide... he looked inside.
All was dark and murky.
He rubbed his hands and stretched his arms...
And then he stuffed the turkey.
A man walks in to the local pub holding a medium sized box. He places the box on the bar, takes a seat and asks the bar tender "if I show you something amazing, will you give me a free pint" the bar tender thinks for a while and agrees. The customer gently removes the lid of the box to reveal a small man playing away at a classical piano. The bar tender begins to pour a pint and asks in amazement "where did you get that" the customer responds "just outside the pub, I found a dented lamp in the rubbish, I rubbed it and out came a gene who granted me only one wish". The bar tender handed over the pint and asked "may I have the lamp so I could also have a wish". The customer didn't respond but smiled and put the lamp on the bar. The bar tender rubbed the lamp and out came a gene, "you have awaken me from me sleep, if you let me rest I will let you have one wish" the bar tender quickly says "I wish I had a million bucks" suddenly more...
One day when the teacher walked into the classroom, she noticed that someone had written the word 'PENIS' (in tiny letters) on the blackboard. She scanned the class looking for a guilty face. Finding none, she rubbed the word off and began class. The next day, the word 'PENIS' was written on the board again; this time it was written about halfway across the board. Again she looked around in vain for the culprit, so she proceeded with the day's lesson. Every morning for about a week, she went into the classroom and found the same disgusting word written on the board, each day's being larger than the previous one, and each being rubbed off vigorously. At the end of the second week, she walked in expecting to be greeted by the same word on the board but instead found the words: "The more you rub it, the bigger it gets."
If you can run and play any sport while wearing chanclas...
MEXICAN...
If your late Tio left you a van and you turned it into a taco vending business,
Yes, you're a Mexican.
If you pronounce words beginning with the letter "S" by putting an "E" in front of it,
(estop instead of stop),
big time Mexican.
If you call a chair, a sher, you got it...
Mexican.
If you have ever hurt yourself and your mamacita rubbed the area while chanting,
"Sana, Sana, Colita de rana... "
You're Mexican, big time!!!
If you have your last name in old English lettering anywhere on your
car, truck, or tattooed on your back,
Yes! you ARE a Mexican (proud one too!)
If you refer to your wife as your ruca, your hina, your wifa, your old lady,
or your vieja, guess what?
Not only are you a Mexican, you're a cholo...
If you throw a "Grito" everytime you hear Vicente Fernandez,
then not only are you a more...
A priest was walking down the street, when a small boy approached from the other direction carrying a bottle of acid. The priest was afraid that the child might injure himself, so he offered to trade a bottle of holy water for the dangerous fluid.
' What will holy water do?' asked the boy.
' Well' replied the priest,' I rubbed this on a woman's belly and she passed a baby.'
To which the boy replied,' That's nothing. I rubbed this on a cat's arse and it passed a motorcycle.'