Violist Jokes

How do you get a violist to play a downbow staccato?
Put a tenuto mark over a whole note and mark it solo.

A violist was in the back seat of a small town's orchestra. One day he found a genie and was granted three wishes, the first wish was that he wanted to be 5 times better then he already was. By the next practice he was principal of the violists. After some time, he wanted to become even better. He went to the geinie and asked to be 10 times better once more. The next day he became the principal violist of the Chicago Symphony Orchestra. After months he still wanted to become a musician. He asked the genie once more but to be 15 times better. The next day at practice he was back in his small town's orchestra but in the very back of the second violin section.

Q: What is a chord? A: Three violists playing in unison.Q: What is the best recording of the Walton viola concerto? A: Music Minus One.Q: What is the difference between a viola and a trampoline? A: You take off your shoes before you jump on the trampoline.Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: Half a measure.Q: What is the difference between grapes and a viola? A: You take off your shoes to stamp on grapes.Conductor: Again from measure 5, if you please.Voice from viola section: But Maestro, we have no measure numbers.Q: What is the difference between a chainsaw and a viola? A: If you absolutely had to, you could use a chainsaw in a string quartet.Q: What do you call a person who plays the viola? A: A violator.Q: What is the difference between the first and last desk of a viola section? A: A semi-tone.Q: Why are violas so large? A: It is an optical illusion. It's not that the violas are large, just that the viola player's heads are so small.Q: more...

A violist comes home late at night to discover fire trucks, police cars, and a smoking crater where his house used to be.The chief of police comes over to him and tells him, "While you were out, the conductor came to your house, killed your family, and burned the house down."The violist replied, "You're kidding! The conductor came to my house?"

What's the difference between a violist and a dog?
The dog knows when to stop scratching.