Rubber Jokes / Recent Jokes

Two whores were talking shop...

"Why is it," asked Sharon, "that I get as many customers as you, and yet you seem to make a lot more money than me?"

"Well, I'll let you in on a little trick," said Tracy. "What I do is, before I go out, I take a rubber band and stick it up my self. Then when I get a bloke back to my flat and he starts doing the business, it goes ping. I tell him he's just broken my virginity. I usually get an extra $20 for that!"

"I'll give that a try," says Sharon.

She does and it works just fine. Unfortunately, one day as she was getting ready, she found that the bag of rubber bands was empty. She searched around, but all she could find was a catapult. She carfully inserted the catapult and set off for work. Having returned with a fella, Sharon spread them and as the bloke got going there was the usual ping.

"You've just broken my virginity!" said more...

In a mental asylum
First mental, "i will rub out the world."
Second mental, "i won't give you the rubber"

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers.
The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
"Well" said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
"Let me have it" said the lawyer.
Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely. "Yes" he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
"From my nose" the drunk replied.

It looks like plastic
An attorney went into a bar for a Martini and found himself beside a scruffy-looking drunk who kept mumbling and studying something in his hand. He leaned closer while the drunk held the tiny object up to the light, slurring, "Well, it looks plastic." Then he rolled it between his fingers, adding, "But it feels like rubber."
Curious, the attorney asked, "What do you have there?"
The drunk replied, "I don't know, but it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
The attorney responded, "Let me take a look."
So the drunk handed it over and the lawyer rolled between his thumb and fingers, then examined it closely by sniffing and licking it. "Yeah, it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, has no significant smell or taste, I sure don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
The drunk replied, "Out of my nose!"

A lawyer walks into a bar and sits down next to a drunk who is closely examining something held in his fingers. The lawyer watches the drunk for a while till he finally gets curious enough to ask what it is.
"Well," said the drunk, "it looks like plastic and feels like rubber."
"Let me have it," said the lawyer.
Taking it, he began to roll it between his thumb and forefinger, examining it closely.
"Yes," he finally said, "it does look like plastic and feel like rubber, but I don't know what it is. Where did you get it?"
"From my nose," the drunk replied.

After each question, your say: "Rubber Jugs and Liquor". Q: What did you have for breakfast? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor! Q: What did you have for lunch? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor! Q: What did you have for supper? A: Rubber Jugs and Liquor!. . . . . . . . . . . . . . Q: What would you do if you saw a hot chick walking down the street? hee-hee hoo-hoo haa-haa!

A husband and wife are waiting at the bus stop, and with them are their
nine children.
A blind man joins them after a few minutes.When the bus arrives, they find it overloaded and only the wife and the
nine kids are able to fit in the bus. So the husband and the blind man
decide to walk. After a while the husband gets irritated by the ticking
of the stick of the blind man as he taps it on the side walk and says to him:
"Why don't you put a piece of rubber at the end your stick, that ticking
sound is driving me crazy!
The blind man replies:
"If you would've put a rubber on the end of YOUR stick, we'd be riding
the bus, so shut the heck up!"