Rugby Jokes / Recent Jokes
yo mommas like a rugby pitch; everyones had a try!
A rugby player was hurt very badly during a scrum and he had both of his ears ripped off. Since he was permanently disfigured, he decided to give up playing Rugby for good. His club and insurance company ensured that a large sum of money went his way.
One day, he decided to invest his money in a small but growing sportswear business. He bought the company outright but after signing on the dotted line, realised that he knew nothing about business. He decided to employ someone to run the shop.
The next day he set up three interviews. The first guy was great. He knew everything he needed to and was very enthusiastic. At the end of the interview, the former rugby player asked him, “Do you notice anything different about me? ”
And the man replied, “Why, yes, I couldn’t help noticing you have no ears. ” The rugby player got angry and threw him out.
The second interview was with a woman, and she was even better than the first guy. He asked her the same question, more...
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary.
Then look up "aluminium" . Check the more...
To the citizens of the United States of America:
In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.
Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the
97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.
To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:
1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium" . Check the more...
To the citizens of the United States of America:In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium" . Check the pronunciation guide. You more...
You probably don't want to read this
This is taken from the latest edition of FHM. You may want to grit your teeth before you read it !!
When I was studying in Ireland, I took up rugby. As my first season wore on, the lads and I were eventually scheduled to play a team which had a reputation for violent play. Considering that we weren't the most talented outfit to have ever taken the field, we decided to accept the challenge with a "do or die" attitude, hoping things would eventually swing our way. They didn't and to make matters worse our star player dislocated his hip after a particularly ferocious tackle. He was clearly in a lot of pain, so we all stood back to which the medic who, in one swift movement, managed to slot the hip back into its socket . Then Alan began a long blood curdling scream. To our horror, we realised that one of his testicles had also been jammed into the socket and was now firmly held in the place by the hip. Incidentally, Alan managed to more...
TOP TEN RESONS TO BE A NEW ZEALANDER
1 RUGBY
2 YOU PLAY RUGBY AND HAVE YOUR HEAD BETWEEN TO OTHER PLAYERS ARSES AND STILL THINK YOU ARE NOT GAY
3 STILL PLAYING RUGBY KEEP LIFTING PLAYER FROM CRUTCH OF THERE LEGS WITH YOUR HANDS AND STILL THINK THAT YOU ARE NOT GAY
4 IF YOU ARE THE INDIGENOUS NATIVE YOU CAN WELCOM VISITOR'S BY SHOWING YOUR ARSE TO THEM
5 AFTER SHOWING YOUR ARSE YOU CAN RUB YOUR RUNNY NOSE ON THER NOSE.
6 YOU CAN BE THE WOMEN PRIME MINISTER AND STILL ONLY WEAR MALE PANTS TO EVERY PLACE YOU GO.
7 CAN BE THE SHEEP SHEARING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD
8 CAN BE THE GUM BOOT THROWING CHAMPION OF THE WORLD
9 THINK THREE COURSE MEAL IS BREAD BUTTER AND JAM
10 IF YOU CAN BE RELATED TO THE INDIGENOUS PEOPLE OF THE COUNTRY WITH GOVERNEMENT ASSISTENCE YOU DON'T HAVE TO WORK EVER.