Vocabulary Jokes

A young man named John received a parrot as a gift. Problem was, the parrot had a bad attitude and an even worse vocabulary. Every word out of the bird's mouth was rude, obnoxious, and laced with profanity. John tried and tried to change the bird's attitude by consistently saying only polite words, playing soft music and anything else he could think of to "clean up" the bird's vocabulary, but to no avail.
Finally, John was fed up and he yelled at the parrot. The parrot yelled back. John shook the parrot and the parrot got angrier and even more rude In desperation, John threw up his hands, grabbed the bird and put him in the freezer. For a few minutes the parrot squawked and kicked and screamed.
Then suddenly, there was total quiet. Not a peep was heard for over a minute.
Fearing that he'd killed the parrot, John quickly opened the door to the freezer. The parrot calmly stepped out onto John's outstretched arm
and said, "I believe I may have offended you more...

The little rascals were in class and the teacher was giving them a vocabulary lesson. The teacher said, "Alfalfa, use the word love in a sentence".
Alfalfa replies, "I love Darla".
The teacher said, "Good...now Spanky your word is respect".
Spanky replies, "I respect the way Alfalfa loves Darla".
The teacher said, "Very good! Now Buckweat its your turn, your word is Dictate".
Buckweat replies, "Hey Darla...how did my dictate last night?".

INSIDER'S GUIDE TO THE MALE VOCABULARY
"Haven't I seen you before?"
"Nice ass."
"I'm a Romantic."
"I'm poor."
"I need you"
"My hand is tired."
"I am different from all the other guys"
"I am not circumcised."
"I want a commitment."
"I'm sick of masturbation."
"You're the only girl I've ever cared about"
"You are the only girl who hasn't rejected me."
"I really want to get to know you better."
"So I can tell my friends about it."
"It's just orange juice, try it."
"3 more shots, and she'll have her legs around my head."
"She's kinda cute."
"I want to have sex with her till I am blue."
"I don't know if I like her"
"She won't sleep with me."
"I miss you so much"
"I am so horny that my more...

To the citizens of the United States of America: In light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today. Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Rt. Hon. Tony Blair, MP for the 97. 85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect: 1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up "aluminium". Check the pronunciation guide. more...

To the citizens of the United States of America... In the light of your failure to elect a President of the USA and thus to govern yourselves, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchial duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories, except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new Prime Minister (The Right. Honorable. Tony Blair, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed.

To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up "revocation" in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up more...