Run Jokes / Recent Jokes

A woman was having a daytime affair while her husband was at work. On one wet and lusty day she was in bed with her boyfriend when, to her horror, she heard her husband's car pull into the driveway.
"Oh My God - Hurry! Grab your clothes," she yelled to her lover. "And jump out the window. My husband's home early!"
"I can't jump out the window!" came the strangled reply from beneath the sheets "It's raining out there!"
"If my husband catches us in here, he'll kill us both!" she replied.
"He's got a very quick temper and a very large gun! The rain is the least of your problems".
So the boyfriend scoots out of bed, grabs his clothes and jumps out the window!
As he began running down the street in the pouring rain, he quickly discovered he had run right into the middle of the town's annual marathon.
So he started running along beside the others about 300 of them. Being naked, with his clothes more...

In the long run the pessimist may be proved right, but the optimist has a better time on the trip. Daniel L. Reardon

One day, a cat dies of natural causes and goes to heaven, where he meets the Lord. The Lord says to the cat, "You lived a good life, and if there is any way I can make your stay in heaven more comfortable, please let me know." The cat thinks for a moment and says, "Lord, all my life I have lived with a poor family and had to sleep on a hard wooden floor." The Lord stops the cat and says, "Say no more," and a wonderful, fluffy pillow appears. A few days later, six mice are killed in a tragic farming accident, and all of them go to heaven. Again, the Lord is there to greet them with the same offer. The mice answer, "All our lives we have been chased. We have had to run from cats, dogs, and even women with brooms. Running, running, running; we're tired of running. Do you think we could have roller skates so that we don't have to run anymore?" The Lord says, "Say no more" and fits each mouse with beautiful new roller skates. About a week more...

My most memorable one was, after being lightly smacked on the butt and asking, "What was that for?" "Nothing. DO something and see what you get." I once got smacked and when I asked, "What was that for?" my mom replied, That's for all the things I never found out about." If you fall out of that tree and break your leg, don't come running to me! Variation: Cut your legs off in that lawnmower, don't you come running to me! If you poke your eye out with that thing, don't come looking for me! You always find things in the last place you look. Keep doing that with your face and it'll stay that way. This hurts me more than it hurts you. Variation: (speaking in time with the spanking) This(spank) hurts(spank) me(spank) more(spank)..... I want you to go find something for me to spank you with. Mother to my Father: "He's got my looks and your brains!" "He's your son!"I've told you a million times, don't exaggerate. What were you thinking more...

1. You never run out of wheat

2. Those cool Saskatewan Wheat Pool hats

3. Cruise control takes on a whole new meaning

4. Your province is really easy to draw

5. You never have to worry about roll-back if you have a standard

6. It takes you two weeks to walk to your neighbor`s house

7. YOUR Roughriders survived

8. You can watch the dog run away from home for hours

9. People will assume you live on a farm

10. Buying a huge John Deere mower makes sense

A recent Scottish immigrant attends his first baseball game in his new country and after a base hit he hears the fans roaring run.... run! The next batter connects heavily with the ball and the Scotsman stands up and roars with the crowd in his thick accent: "R-r-run you bastard, r-run will you!" A third batter slams a hit and again the Scotsman, obviously pleased with his knowledge of the game, screams "R-r-run you bastard, r-r-run will you!" The next batter held his swing at three and two and as the ump calls a walk the Scotsman stands up yelling "R-r-run you bastard, r-r-run!" All the surrounding fans giggle quietly and he sits down confused. A friendly fan, sensing his embarrassment whisper, "He doesn't have to run, he's got four balls." After this explanation the Scotsman stands up in disbelief and screams, "Walk with pr-r-ride man! Walk with pr-r-ride!!!!"

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacoby of the' Skins say "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's mom too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann 1996: "Nobody in football should be called a genius.. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein."

Oiler coach Bum Phillips: When asked by Bob Costas why he takes his wife on all the road trips, Phillips responded, "Because she is too damn ugly to kiss goodbye."

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how more...