Run Jokes / Recent Jokes

If it doesn't run off the mains, batteries are never included If it does run off the mains, a plug is never included Everything is designed to break by Dec 26 If you can wear it, it's the wrong size If it fits, the color is never right Santa Claus is an incorrigible practical joker

Little Johnny tried out for the school play. The teacher gave him these lines to practice:"Hark! A pistol shot! There lies a lady with hope in her soul. I think I'll snatch a kiss and run into the forest. By William Shakespeare." Little Johnny practiced and practiced and did the lines perfectly every time. The night of the play it was his turn to speak. This is what he said:"Hark! A pigeon shit! There lies a lady with soap in her hole. I think I'll kiss her snatch and run into the forest. By William Snakeshit... Horseshit... Oh, shit! I didn't want to be in this damn play anyway!"

Q. Why did the ape run around with a piece of raw meat on his head? A. He thought he was a gorilla. (griller)!

1. You have the right to remain motionless, or you may elect to run away from me.
2. Should you decide to run, I shall direct my K-9 to chase you down to the ends of the earth.
3. You have the right to have your lawyer run with you. Should he refuse, a recent Law School graduate will be appointed by the court to jog along with you.
4. If while running, you suddenly decide to end the race, beware that my K-9 may or may not understand your intentions, and may continue his persuit of you in full stride.
5. You may stop running at any time, at your own risk.
6. Good luck. On your mark, get set.... GO!!!!!

10. New seats would require everyone to have the same butt size.
9. We would all have to switch to Microsoft Gas.
8. The U. S. government would be forced to rebuild all of the roads for Microsoft cars; they will drive on the old roads, but they run very slowly.
7. The oil, alternator, gas and engine warning lights would be replaced by a single ‘General Car Fault’ warning light.
6. Sun MotorSystems would make a car that was solar-powered, twice as reliable and five times as fast, but would run on only 5% of the roads.
5. You would be constantly pressured to upgrade your car.
4. You could have only one person in the car at a time, unless you bought a Car95 or CarNT - but then you would have to buy ten more seats and a new engine.
3. Occasionally, your car would die for NO apparent reason and you would have to restart it. Strangely, you would just accept this as normal.
2. Every time the lines of the road were repainted, you would have to buy a more...

New Orleans Saint RB George Rogers when asked about the upcoming season: "I want to rush for 1, 000 or 1, 500 yards, whichever comes first."

Chicago Cubs outfielder Andre Dawson on being a role model: "I want all the kids to do what I do, to look up to me. I want all the kids to copulate me."

And, upon hearing Joe Jacobi of the Skins say: "I'd run over my own mother to win the Super Bowl," Matt Millen of the Raiders said, "To win, I'd run over Joe's Mom, too."

Football commentator and former player Joe Theismann: "Nobody in football should be called a genius. A genius is a guy like Norman Einstein." (1996)

Senior basketball player at the University of Pittsburgh: "I'm going to graduate on time, no matter how long it takes."

Bill Peterson, a Florida State football coach: "You guys line up alphabetically by height." and "You guys pair up in groups of three, more...

- Depression is merely anger without enthusiasm

- Drink' til she's cute, but stop before the wedding

- Eagles may soar, but weasels don't get sucked into jet engines

- Early bird gets the worm, but the second mouse gets the cheese

- I'm not cheap, but I am on special this week

- I almost had a psychic girlfriend but she left me before we met

- I drive way too fast to worry about cholesterol

- I intend to live forever - so far, so good

- I love defenseless animals, especially in a good gravy

- If Barbie is so popular, why do you have to buy her friends?

- If you ain't makin' waves, you ain't kickin' hard enough!

- Mental backup in progress - Do Not Disturb!

- Mind Like A Steel Trap - Rusty And Illegal In 37 States

- Quantum Mechanics: The dreams stuff is made of

- Support bacteria - they're the only culture some people more...