Running Jokes / Recent Jokes
Two men were walking through the woods when a large bear walked out into the clearing no more than 50 feet in front of them.
The first man dropped his backpack and dug out a pair of running shoes, then began to furiously attempt to lace them up as the bear slowly approached them.
The second man looked at the first, confused, and said, "What are you doing? Running shoes aren't going to help, you can't outrun that bear."
"I don't need to," said the first man, "I just need to outrun you."
The Lone Ranger and Tonto walked into a bar one day and sat down to drink a beer. After a few minutes, a big tall cowboy walked in and said,"Who owns the big white horse outside?" The Lone Ranger stood up, hitched his gunbelt, and said, "I do. Why?" The cowboy looked at the Lone Ranger and said, "I just thought you would like to know that your horse is just about dead outside!"The Lone Ranger and Tonto rushed outside and, sure enough, Silver was about dead from heat exhaustion. The Lone Ranger got him some water and soon Silver was starting to feel a little better. The Lone Ranger turned to Tonto and said, "Tonto, I want you to run around Silver and see if you can create enough of a breeze to make him start to feel better." Tonto said, "Sure Kemosabe", and took off running circles around Silver. Not able to do anything else but wait, the Lone Ranger returned to the bar to finish his drink. A few minutes later, another cowboy struts more...
A rather well-proportioned secretary, spent almost all of her vacation sunbathing on the roof of her hotel. She wore a bathing suit the first day, but on the second, she decided that no one could see her way up there, and she slipped out of it for an overall tan.
She'd hardly begun when she heard someone running up the stairs; she was lying on her stomach, so she just pulled a towel over her rear.
"Excuse me, miss," said the flustered little assistant manager of the hotel, out of breath from running up the stairs. "The hotel doesn't mind your sunbathing on the roof, but we would very much appreciate your wearing a bathing suit as you did yesterday."
"What difference does it make," she asked rather calmly. "No one can see me up here, and besides, I'm covered with a towel."
"Not exactly," said the embarrassed little man. "You're lying on the dining room skylight."
Q. What did the doe say when she came running out of the woods?
A. I'll never do that for two bucks again.
Q. What do you get when you cross a centipede with a turkey?
A. Drumsticks for everybody!
Two parents take their son on a vacation and go to a nude beach. The father goes for a walk on the beach and the son goes and plays in the water.
The son comes running up to his mom and says..."Mommy, I saw ladies with boobies a lot bigger than yours!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I saw men with dingers a lot bigger than Daddy's!" The mom says..."the bigger they are, the dumber they are."
So he goes back to play. Several minutes later he comes running back and says..."Mommy, I just saw Daddy talking to the dumbest lady I ever saw and the more and more he talked, the dumber and dumber he got! "
Fancy company has a party and rents the restaurant at the top of the World Trade Center. Late in the evening, somebody notices a wallflower standing by himself by an open window. He walks over. Guy: "Hi! Keeping to yourself?" Wallflower: "Oh, hi. No, I'm just examining the wind patterns here. I think I have them figured out. If I took a running jump out there, I believe that the updraft would lift me back up and eventually deliver me back here." Guy: "Eh, can I get you a drink? Would you like to come back to the bar?" Wallflower: "No. I've made the calculations, so I have to try it!" Before the guy can stop him, the wallflower takes a running leap out of the 112th floor window. Guy gapes out, and sees wallflower hovering in the updraft, then slowly rising back up to be deposited in the window again. Wallflower: "I'll take that drink now, if you don't mind." Guy: "That was freakin' amazing! Think I could do it?" Wallflower: more...
Child: Why Are All These People Running? Father: Its A Race. The Winner Will Get The Cup. Child: If Only The Winner Will Get The Cup, Why Are Others Running???