Running Jokes / Recent Jokes

Will the Real Dummy Please Stand Up?!
AT&T fired President John Walter after nine months, saying he lacked "intellectual leadership". He received a $26 million severance package. Perhaps it's not Walter who's lacking intelligence...With a Little Help from Our Friends!
Police in Oakland, California spent two hours attempting to subdue a gunman who had barricaded himself inside his home. After firing ten tear gas canisters, officers discovered that the man was standing beside them, shouting to please come out and give himself up...And What Was Plan B?
An Illinois man pretending to have a gun kidnapped a motorist and forced him to drive to two different automated teller machines. The kidnapper then proceeded to withdraw money from his own bank accounts...And These Nitwits Are Teaching Our Children?!!
A 9-year-old boy in Manassas, Virginia received a one-day suspension under his elementary school's drug policy last week - for Certs! Joey Hoeffer allegedly told a more...

One day a traveling salesman was driving down a back country road at about 30 miles an hour when he noticed that there was a three legged chicken running along beside his car. He stepped on the gas but at 50 miles per hour the chicken was still keeping up.
After about a mile of running the chicken ran up a farm lane and into a barn behind an old farm house. The salesman had some time to kill so he turned around and drove up the farm lane. He knocked at the door and when the farmer answered he told him what he had just seen.
The farmer said that he knew about the chicken, as a matter of fact the farmer said that his son was a geneticist and he had developed this breed of chicken because the three of them each liked a drumstick when they have chicken and this way they only have to kill one chicken. The salesman said, "That's the most fantastic story I have ever heard. How do they taste?"
The farmer said, "I don't know, we can't catch 'em."

One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!" The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from. The little girl replied,' 'Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree. The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."' 'OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl. The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?" The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed." The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...'' Before the mother could finish, the little girl said,' 'Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.''

A little kid comes running into the backyard. He says, "Pop! Pop! Ma just got hit by a bus!""Son, you know my lips are chapped. Please don't make me smile."

A blone, a brunette, and a red head, were running from the cops so they run into this barn they see three potato sacks sitting on the ground so they each jump in one. then the cops come running in to the barn after them, and they see the sacks sitting there so they hit the first one with their knight stick it was the brunette she said "woof" so they would think it was a dog. the cops hit the next one it was the redhead "meow" the cops thought it was a cat. the proceded to the third one it was the blnde and she yelled "potatos"

A cop stops a man for running a stop sign and the subject gives the cop a lot of grief explaining that he did stop. After several minutes, the cop explained to the gentleman that he didn't stop, he just slowed down a little. The gentleman said' Stop or slow down, what's the difference?'. The cop pulled the guy out of the car and hit him with a nightstick for about a minute and then said,' Would you like for me to stop or just slow down?'

Last year, my friend upgraded his GirlFriend 3. 1 to GirlFriendPlus1. 0 (marketing name: Fiancee1. 0).

Recently he upgraded Fiancee1. 0 to Wife1. 0, and it`s a memory hogger! It has taken all his space; and Wife1. 0 must be running before he can do anything. Although he didn`t ask for them, Wife1. 0 came with Plug-Ins such as MotherInLaw and BrotherInLaw. These too slow down the system and cause a slow drain on the resources and well-being of the computer.

Some features I`d like to see in the upcoming GirlFriend4. 0:

1. A "Don`t remind me again" button.

2. Minimize button.

3. Shutdown feature - An install shield feature so that Girlfriend4. 0 can be completely uninstalled if so desired (so you don`t lose cache and other objects).

I tried running Girlfriend 2. 0 with Girlfriend 1. 0 still installed; they tried using the same I/O port and conflicted. Then I tried to uninstall Girlfriend 1. 0, but it didn`t have more...