Ryan Jokes / Recent Jokes

The following is supposedly a true story. To be included, besides being true, the story is most likely strange, weird, surprising, or funny. St. Paul, MNThe hit movie "Home Alone" about a boy thwarting burglars with imaginative mayhem, wasn't total fantasy. Just ask the guy who tried to break in while 13-year-old Ryan Hendrickson was home alone. Ryan was watching television Wednesday night when he heard a noise that sounded like a window screen being cut."I ran to the closet and grabbed a bat," Ryan said Thursday. "I went... into the dining room, where I saw him cutting the window with a knife. He put his left hand in first and I was waiting for his right hand to come in... and I took the baseball bat and I hit him as hard as I could."The man ran. Ryan called 911. Police, while cautioning Ryan to call 911 first next time, did enjoy the fact that the kid got in the first lick against a bad guy.

On July 15, 1973, the Angels' Nolan Ryan pitches his second career no-hitter (and his second of the season), a 6-0 shutout versus the Tigers in Detroit, with a major league record seventeen strikeouts in a no-hitter.The "Ryan Express" was so on that day, Norm Cash came to the plate with two
outs in the ninth inning and resorts to using a piano leg to get a hit. Home plate
umpire Ron Luciano, nearly falling down laughing at this ruse, makes him use
a real bat. Cash flied out to left-field, ending the game.

Philadelphia's Ryan Howard is on the verge of reaching 60 homeruns. The record books will carry an asterisk to show that Howard didn’t cheat.

The teacher confronted Tommy as soon as he walked in the classroom one morning.
"Tommy," she scolded, "why weren't you at school yesterday?"
"Well, Miss Ryan, my grandpa got burned," explained Tommy.
"Oh my, I hope he wasn't hurt too badly," the teacher said with concern.
"Oh yes, Miss Ryan," Tommy said. "They don't mess around at those crematoriums, you know!"

Actor Ryan O'Neal was arrested and accused of assaulting his adult son with a handgun during a fight at the actor's Malibu home.

O'Neal's son was not injured. It's been 25 years since Ryan's had any kind of hit.





"Sorry… I meant to hit the kid."

1.If you come to a fork in the road, take it!...Yogi Berra

2.Life's like a Kit-Kat Bar: Gimmie a break...Sean Ryan

3.I went to the store to buy camouflage pants, but I couldn't find them...Sean Ryan

3.If you ever fall off the Space Needle, just go real limp, because people on the ground will think you're a dummy, and they'll try to catch you, because, hey, free dummy...Jack Handey

4.Probably the earliest fly swatters were nothing more than some sort of striking surface attached to a long stick...Jack Handey

Anonymous quotes

5.Hmmm....why do we park on driveways and drive on parkways?

6.Yeah...and pay on freeways?

7.You can't have manslaughter without laughter.

(Long)
It was the funniest damn thing that has ever happened to me. A couple of weeks ago we decided to cruise out to Ryan's Steakhouse for dinner. It was a Wednesday night, which means that macaroni and beef was on the hot bar, indeed the only night of the week that it is served. Wednesday night is also kid's night at Ryan's, complete with Dizzy the Clown wandering from table to table entertaining them. It may seem that the events about to be told have little connection to those two circumstances, but all will be clear in a moment.

We went through the line and placed our orders for the all-you-can-eat hot bar then sat down as far away from the front of the restaurant as possible in order to keep the density of kids down a bit. Then I started my move to the hot bar. Plate after plate of macaroni and beef were consumed that evening. I tell you-in all, four heaping plates of the pseudo-Italian ambrosia were shoved into my belly. I was sated. Perhaps a bit too much, more...