Saddam Jokes / Recent Jokes

SADDAM HUSSEIN CALLED USA AND TOLD THEM ILL GIVE YOU $100,000,000 IF YOU MAKE A STAMP OF MY FACE... SO USA AGREAD. 2 WEAKS AFTER USA CALL BACK SADDAM AND SAY IAM SORRY THE STAMPS DID NOT WORK OUT, HE SAID WHY? THE PEOPLE ARE SPITTING ON THE WRONG SIDE OF THE STAMP.

Editor's Note: This is kind of long, and actually considering it's an awful lot like many conversations I've had, not as funny as it might be. But, heck, enjoy it anyhow...

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PeaceNik: Why did you say we are we invading Iraq?

WarMonger: We are invading Iraq because it is in violation of security council resolution 1441. A country cannot be allowed to violate security council resolutions.

PN: But I thought many of our allies, including Israel, were in violation of more security council resolutions than Iraq.

WM: It's not just about UN resolutions. The main point is that Iraq could have weapons of mass destruction, and the first sign of a smoking gun could well be a mushroom cloud over NY.

PN: Mushroom cloud? But I thought the weapons inspectors said Iraq had no nuclear weapons.

WM: Yes, but biological and chemical weapons are the issue.

PN: But I thought Iraq did not have any long more...

Saddam Hussein calls President Clinton and tells him, "Bill, I had awonderful dream last night. I could see America, the whole beautifulcountry, and on each house I saw a banner.""What did it say on the banners?" Clinton asks.Saddam replies, "Allah is god, god is Allah."Clinton says, "You know, Saddam, I am really happy you called. Last night I had a similar dream. I could see all of Baghdad, and it was more beautiful than ever. It had been rebuilt completely, and on each house flew an enormous banner.""What could you see on the banners?" Saddam asks.Clinton replies, "I don't know. I can't read Hebrew."

Saddam HUSSEIN of Iraq wanted a special postage stamp issued, with his picture on it. He so instructed his Postmaster General, stressing that it should be of international quality.The stamps were duly released of the stamp, he began hearingcomplaints that the stamp was not sticking properly, and becomefurious. He called the chief of the Secret Service and orderedhim to investigate the matter.The chief checked the matter out at several post offices, andthen reported on the problem to him.He said:" Sir, the stamp is really of international quality.The problem is, our citizens are spitting on the wrong side!"

Saddam Hussein was sitting in his office wondering who to invade next when his telephone rang.
"Hallo! Mr. Hussein," a heavily accented voice said. "This is Paddy up in County Cavan, Ireland. I am ringing to inform you that we are officially declaring war on you!"
"Well, Paddy," Saddam replied, "this is indeed important news! Tell me, how big is your army?"
"At this moment in time," said Paddy after a moment's calculation, "there is myself, my cousin Sean, my next door neighbor Gerry, and the entire dominoes team from the pub-that makes 8!"
Saddam sighed. "I must tell you Paddy that I have 1 million men in my army waiting to move on my command."
"Begorra!" said Paddy, "I'll have to ring you back!"
Sure enough, the next day Paddy rang back. "Right Mr. Hussein, the war is still on! We have managed to acquire some equipment!"
"And what equipment would that more...

Q. What do Baghdad and Hiroshima have in common?
A. Nothing, yet.

Q: What does Saddam want for Thanksgiving?
A: Turkey.

Q: What do Miss Muffet and Saddam Hussein have in common?
A: They both have Kurds in their Whey.

Q: What do Saddam Hussein and General Custer have in common?
A: They both want to know where the hell those Tomahawks are coming from!

Q: What is the best Iraqi job?
A: Foreign Ambassador

Q: How many Iraqis does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: None. They can’t turn them on anyway.

Q: How many Americans does it take to screw in a light bulb?
A: Only one, but he does it from 30 miles away using laser targeting, and at a cost of US $8, 000, 000.

Q: “How many members of the coalition does it take to screw in a light bulb? ”
A: “We are not prepared to comment on specific numbers at this time. ”

Q: Did you hear that it is twice as easy more...

Saddam Hussein's 7 doubles were hastily rounded up at an undisclosed site in Baghdad and informed, "
Gentlemen, we have some good news for you and some bad news too.
"
The good news is, Saddam Hussein is still alive, so congratulations to you all, as this means you still have your jobs.
"
The bad news is, he's lost an arm in a recent Coalition attack."