Safety Jokes / Recent Jokes

Dallas Cowboys safety Keith Davis was admitted to the hospital after being shot twice. He is recovering nicely and said to be in good spirits.
Not in good spirits is Davis' teammate Terrell Owens. Fuming after reading of the safety's blatant attempt to grab a headline Owens shot himself 3 times, did some sit-ups in his driveway and demanded a trade.

There was 3 people on a island, 2 ladys, 1 men. The first lady was a bruenett and the second lady was a blonde. They were all stuck on a island, so the blonde swam to safety, the bruenett made a raft and rowed to safety and the man walked across the bridge.

A horse and a chicken are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into a mud hole and is sinking. He calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety. The chicken runs to the farm but the farmer can't be found. So he drives the farmer's Porsche back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws the other end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the car forward saving him from sinking!
A few days later, the chicken and horse were playing in the meadow again and the chicken fell into the mud hole. The chicken yelled to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said,' I think I can stand over the hole!' So he stretched over the width of the hole and said,' Grab for my' thingy' and pull yourself up.' And the chicken did and pulled himself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you are hung like a horse, you don't need a Porsche to pick up chicks!

A horse and a rabbit A horse and a rabbit are playing in a meadow. The horse falls into amud hole and is sinking. He calls to the rabbit to go and get thefarmer to help pull him out to safety. The rabbit runs to the farm butthe farmer can't be found. He drives the farmer's Mercedes back to themud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. He then throws theother end of the rope to his friend, the horse, and drives the carforward saving him from sinking! A few days later, the rabbit and horse were playing in the meadowagain and the rabbit fell into the mud hole. The rabbit yelled to thehorse to go and get some help from the farmer. The horse said, "I think I can stand over the hole!" So he stretchedover the width of the hole and said, "Grab for my dick and pullyourself up." And the rabbit did and pulled himself to safety. The moral of the story: If you are hung like a horse, you don't need aMercedes!

How to manage them so you can read this site at work.
When told to do something that can't be done... argue a bit, then go play solitaire for awhile. After about 2 or 3 hours, come back and say "I tried... sorry, it can't be done." Usually this will satisfy their insistence on their ideas at least be tried.
Don't provide solutions, just more and more issues and questions.
Do EXACTLY what they tell you. This works well for bosses who have no idea what's going on and only use vague statements. You can't get in trouble for doing what they say...
Make references to the nice weather and how you should would like to be out there golfing. Eventually they will grow tired of hearing you and go play golf.
When your boss comes near you, start to sniffle or cough... and be sure to warn them that you 'might be getting that nasty cold that so and so has had for the last month.' I have found that this quickly sends bosses hiding for cover in their office.
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Q: How many safety inspectors does it take to change a lightbulb?
A: Four. One to change it and three to hold the ladder.

A chicken and a horse are playing in a meadow when the horse falls into a mud hole and begins to sink. The horse calls to the chicken to go and get the farmer to help pull him out to safety.
The chicken runs to get the farmer, but can't find him, so she drives the farmer's Mercedes back to the mud hole and ties some rope around the bumper. She then throws the other end of the rope to the horse and drives the car forward, saving the horse from sinking.
A few days later, the chicken and horse are playing in the meadow again. This time, the chicken falls into the mud hole. She yells to the horse to go and get some help from the farmer.
The horse says, "I think I can stand over the mud hole!" So, he stretches over the width of the hole and says to the chicken, "Quick, grab my 'thingy' and pull yourself up!" The chicken does as the horse said and pulls herself to safety.
The moral of the story:
If you're hung like a horse, you don't need a Mercedes more...