Sailor Jokes / Recent Jokes

So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says,"OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet.
This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets very quiet. At first the guy just waits, but then he more...

Among the crowd about to pass through the boarding gate at Houston Intercontinental Airport were a sailor and a girl kissing. Others were kissing, and no one paid any attention - except an idle people watcher who noted that neither the girl nor the sailor got on that plane. They simply walked over to another gate and kissed some more.

The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor.
To check on the young man''s response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"The baby sailor said, "I''d grab a torpedo & sink it." "Where would you get the torpedo?" "The same place you got your battleship!"

The navy psychiatrist was interviewing a potential sailor. To check on the young man's response to trouble, the psychiatrist asked, "What would you do if you looked out of that window right now and saw a battleship coming down the street?"
The baby sailor said, "I'd grab a torpedo and sink it."
"Where would you get the torpedo?"
"The same place you got your battleship!"

In days of old, this young sailor was about to sign up for a 6-month trip on a sailing ship. He asked the captain about sex life, since there would be no women on the ship.
"Don' ye worry about it, lad. We'll make sure your needs are taken care of."
After about 2 weeks at sea, the lad had a bone that wouldn't go away, so he went to ask the captain how to take care of it.
"Aye, lad, 'ere's ya key. Go open up the door under the ladder. In there you'll find a barrel, take the bung out of the hole and insert your manhood. I think you'll find this arrangement satisfactory."
The lad went down, opened the door, removed the bung, inserted his prick and got his rocks off in record time. In fact, it was SO good he asked for the key the next five nights in a row.
On the sixth night, the captain said, "Not tonight, laddie; it's your turn in the barrel."

A sailor in the Navy who had been at sea for a long time was anxious to be reunited with his girlfriend, so he sent her the following message a few days before his ship was due back in port: "I have missed you so much and I can't wait to make love to you. I want you to come down to the pier to meet me, and I want you to bring the station wagon and have a mattress ready in the back so we can do "it" as soon as I step ashore." The young lady who was just as anxious to make love, sent him a reply: "I will get the station wagon ready as you said, but you had better be the first one off that ship, sailor, because I am not checking I.D. cards."