Sailor Jokes / Recent Jokes

A young, blonde woman was so depressed that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. Just as she was about to jump, a young sailor came by and saw her sobbing and tottering on the edge of the pier.
Taking pity on her, he said, "Listen, no matter how bad things may seem, you have a lot to live for. I'm heading to Europe in the morning and, if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I promise I'll take very good care of you and bring you food every day."
Moving closer, he put his arm around her and continued, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
Feeling she didn't have anything to lose, the blonde agreed to his suggestion.
That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, each night he brought her sandwiches and fruit and they made passionate love until dawn.
During a routine inspection two weeks later, the ship's Captain discovered her. "What are you doing here?" he more...

The sailor and the priest were playing golf. The sailor was not very good at it, and uttered a loud "Fuck, missed!" each time he missed. The priest tolerated him for a few minutes and couldn't take it no more. "Do not swear thus, my friend, or God will punish you".

It didn't make a difference, the sailor continued unabated. One after another, the sailor played badly, and followed up with "Fuck, missed! !". Again, the priest said "Do not utter such profanities, or God will show you a sign".

It didn't help, and the next stroke missed was followed by a loud "Fuck, missed!!". A bolt of lightning dropped out of the clouds and struck the priest dead.

A voice was heard in the clouds "Fuck, missed! !"

Finally getting a shore leave after being out to sea for a couple of months, the sailor made his way to a brothel and told the madam he wanted a lady for the evening.
The madam told him that they were very busy at the moment and he would have to wait. Having been at sea for such a lengthy time, he was impatient and told her he didn't want to wait. He asked if he could possibly have a go with her, if she wasn't busy.
After some price negotiations, she reluctantly agreed and they went up to a room.
The sailor proceeded to put his best moves on her and finally asked breathlessly, "Well, how am I doing?"
"I'd have to say you're doing about three knots," the madam replied.
"Three knots? What does that mean?" he asked.
"It's knot hard, it's knot in and you are knot getting your money back!" she replied.

A marine and a sailor are in the bathroom. When they finish, the sailor says,"In the navy, they teach us to wash our hands," and the marine says," In the marines, they teach us not to piss on our hands."

>A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her
>life by throwing herself into the
>ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed
>her tears, took pity on her, and
>said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the
>morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on
>my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day."
>Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her
>shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
>
>The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night,
>the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in
>a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches
>and a piece of fruit, and they made
>passionate love until dawn.
>
>Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the
>captain.' What are you doing here?' more...

A man was stranded on the proverbial deserted Pacific island for years. Finally one day a boat comes sailing into view, and the man frantically waves and draws the skipper's attention. The boat comes near the island, and the sailor gets out and greets the stranded man.After awhile the sailor asks, "What are those three huts you have here?""Well, that's my house there.""What's that next hut?" asks the sailor."I built that hut to be my church.""What about the other hut?""Oh, that's where I used to go to church."

An old sailor goes to a brothel, where he chooses his girl and begins.
"How am I doing?" He asks.
"Three knots," she replies.
"Three knots? What's that mean?"
"You're not hard, you're not in, and you're not getting your money back."