Sailor Jokes / Recent Jokes
A depressed young woman was so desperate that she decided to end her life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor noticed her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you've got a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer, he slipped his arm around her shoulder and added, "I'll keep you happy, and you'll keep me happy."
The girl nodded yes, after all, what did she have to lose? That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love until dawn.
Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain.' What are you doing here?' the captain asked. She got up off the ground and explained, "I have an arrangement with one of the more...
There's this fellow with a parrot. And the parrot swears like a sailor. I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, polite, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the parrot by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, 'QUIT IT!'. This just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says 'OK for you' and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches. When the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush. At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes and uses words Lenny Bruce and George Carlin NEVER thought about trying to use in their acts. Then more...
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor, I mean he's a pistol.
He can swear for five minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns
him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's foul mouth is driving him crazy. One day, it
gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells,
"QUIT IT!" But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad
and says, "OK for you." and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird
and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a
stream of vulgarities that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few
seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets
very more...
A merchant asked a sailor, "Where did your father died?"
"He drowned at sea."
"And your grandfather?"
"At sea too."
"Aren't you afraid of the sea?"
The sailor retorted, "Where did your father died?"
"In bed."
"And your grandfather?"
"In bed too."
"Aren't you afraid to go to bed every night where your father and grandfather died?"
A depressed young woman was so desperate, that she decided to take her own life by throwing herself into the ocean. When she went down to the docks, a handsome young sailor saw her tears, took pity on her, and said, "Look, you have a lot to live for. I'm off to Europe in the morning, and if you like, I can stow you away on my ship. I'll take good care of you and bring you food every day." Moving closer he puts his arm around her and added, "I'll keep you happy and you'll keep me happy." The girl nodded yes and thought "what did I have to lose?" That night, the sailor brought her aboard and hid her in a lifeboat. From then on, every night he brought her three sandwiches and a piece of fruit, and they made passionate love all night. Three weeks later, during a routine search, she was discovered by the captain. "What are you doing here?" the captain asked. "I have an a rangement with one of the sailors, he's taking me to Europe." more...
A reality TV manager was interviewing one person from each of the armed forces for a spot on the new TV show. A soldier came in first and the manager handed him a berretta, and said, "Go into the other room there and shoot whoever it is in there."
The soldier goes in and came back out and said, "I can't do it." He didn't get the spot. Next a sailor came in and the manager said the same thing to him. The sailor went into the room, came out and said, "I can't do that."
He didn't get the spot. Then an Air Force pilot came in and was handed the same berretta and was told to do the same thing. Before he even went in he turned the manager down. Finally a Marine came in and stood in front of the manager at parade rest.
The manager handed him the berretta and told him to kill whomever it was in the other room. The Marine walked in and from behind the door came a loud BANG!! Then what sounded like braking wood and then more...
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor wereshipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconuttree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbeddown. "We weren't making love." "Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were." Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled thesame thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see forhimself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husbandsays to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're makinglove down there!"