Sailor Jokes / Recent Jokes
A young wife, her boorish husband and a good-looking sailor were ship-wrecked on an island and had already been there for awhile.One morning the sailor climbed a tall coconut tree and yelled - "Stop fucking her down there!""What's the matter with you?" asked the husband after the sailor came back down. "We weren't doing anything.""Sorry," said the sailor. "from up there it looked like you were."Every morning after that, the sailor scaled the small tree and yelled the same thing. Finally, the husband decided to climb the tree and see for himself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top."By golly, he's right," said the husband. "It DOES look like they're fucking down there!"
A young wife, her boorish husband and a young good looking sailor wereshipwrecked on an island. One morning, the sailor climbed a tall coconuttree and yelled, "Stop making love down there!" "What's the matter with you?" the husband said when the sailor climbeddown. "We weren't making love.""Sorry," said the sailor, "From up there it looked like you were."Every morning thereafter, the sailor scaled the same tree and yelled thesame thing. Finally the husband decided to climb the tree and see forhimself. With great difficulty, he made his way to the top. The husbandsays to himself, "By golly he's right! It DOES look like they're makinglove down there!"
So there's this fella with a parrot. And this parrot swears like a sailor - I mean he's a pistol. He can swear for 5 minutes straight without repeating himself. Trouble is, the guy who owns him is a quiet, conservative type, and this bird's fowl mouth is driving him crazy.
One day, it gets to be too much, so the guy grabs the bird by the throat, shakes him really hard, and yells, "QUIT IT!". But this just makes the bird mad and he swears more than ever. Then the guy gets mad and says, "OK for you!" and locks the bird in a kitchen cabinet. This really aggravates the bird and he claws and scratches, and when the guy finally lets him out, the bird cuts loose with a stream of invective that would make a veteran sailor blush.
At that point, the guy is so mad that he throws the bird into the freezer. For the first few seconds there is a terrible din. The bird kicks and claws and thrashes. Then it suddenly gets_very_quiet.
At first the guy more...
A sailor and a marine are taking a piss at a public restroom. The
marine finishes first and
washes his hands. The sailor just walks to the exit. So the marine
says to him: hey, in the
marines they teach us to wash our hands after taking a piss. The
sailor says: yeah well, in
the navy they teach us to not piss on our hands.
A Sailor is sitting at a bar one night and is chatting it up with a beautiful blonde. After some drinks she starts to cry and tell him the sad story that she is Polish and misses home terribly but can't afford to buy a ticket to go home. The sailor tells her his profession and makes a deal with her. "I'll hide you away on my ship on one condition. You have to have sex with me when I ask." She hugs him, crys and agrees. So late that night they sneak on to his ship and he hides her in a big life boat with a canvas cover. He tells her he'll bring her food and water and she'll just have to stay hidden because she'll be in big trouble if she's caught. So for the next three weeks he brings her rations every day and sleeps with her every night. Finally one day the captain is strolling on deck, sees something suspicious and lifts the cover discovering the girl. He yells "STOWAWAY!" Scared she explains: "Dont be mad at me sir. One of your sailors stowed me away to take more...
What's the difference between a transvestite sailor and Monica Lewinsky's
wardrobe?
When you have a transvestite sailor, you have a dress on a seaman.
Source - Some sick demented BMC I used to know...
A Sailor and a Marine are taking a leak in the head. The Sailor finishes and goes for the door. The Marine finishes and heads for the sink.
He calls out to the Sailor, "Hey! Aren t you going to wash you hand? In The Corps they taught us to wash up afterwards."
The Sailor replies, "Well, in the Navy they just told us not to piss on our hands."
A Marine walks in to the head. A little boy who was on his way out looks at him, smiles, and asks, "Are you a REAL Marine?"
The Marine replies, "Why yes I am son... Say - you want to wear my hat?"
The boy replies, "Sure mister!", and put the hat on his head. As the Marine entered a stall the boy placed himself on "guard duty" by the door. Shortly, a Sailor entered the head.
The little boy again looked up, smiled, and asked, "Are you a REAL Sailor?"
The Sailor replied, "Why yes I am... You more...