Sally Jokes / Recent Jokes

On the first day of school, a 3rd grade teacher told her class: "Now that you are grown up, I don't want to hear anymore baby talk. I'd like each of you to tell us what you did during the summer vacation. We'll start with Billy."
Billy: I went on a long trip with my family in the putt-putt.
Teacher: No, Billy, it's not a putt-putt. It's a car. No more baby talk. Sally, you're next.
Sally: We went on a trip on a choo-choo to see Grandma.
Teacher: Sally, it's not a choo-choo. It's a train. Please no more baby words. Mikey, what did you do?
Mikey: I didn't go anywhere. I stayed home and read my favorite book.
Teacher: And what's the name of the book.
Mikey looked embarrassed and shook his head.
Teacher: Come on, Mikey. You're a big boy now. Tell us the name of the book and don't use any baby talk.
Mikey looked up, blushed, and said: O.K.. .... Winne-the-S#it!

A teacher asked her students to use the word "fascinate" in a sentence.
Mary said, "My family went to the New York City Zoo, and we saw all the animals. It was fascinating."
The teacher said, "That was good, Mary, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Sally raised her hand and said, "My family went to the Philadelphia Zoo and saw the animals. I was fascinated."
The teacher said, "Good Sally, but I wanted you to use the word 'fascinate.'"
Little Johnny raised his hand.
The teacher hesitated because Johnny was notorious for his bad language. She finally decided there was no way he could damage the word "fascinate," so she called on him.
Johnny said loudly, "My sister has a sweater with 10 buttons."
The teacher said, "That was good, Johnny. However, you did not use the word 'fascinate' in your sentence."
Little Johnny continued, "But her boobs are so big, she more...

Sally and Hortense were busy, in the age-old manner of secretaries on their lunch hour, gabbing and gobbling at the same time. The subject was men, and strangely enough it was Hortense, the plainer of the two, who was doing the talking.

"I tell you, Sally," she said excitedly, her eyes sparkling, "he's the only guy in my whole life who's made me feel this way. Oh, the touch of his hand, the sound of his voice, the-"
"You certainly sound pretty far gone on him," Sally interrupted amusedly.

"Oh yes," said Hortense brightly. "This time it's the real thing sex.

This joke may seem racist to some. I just wanted to warn you of this before you read it.
Sally - Where does a baby go after he or she has passed away?
Joe - I don't know.
Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven?
Joe - I don't know.
Sally - Wings. What is the baby called?
Joe - I don't know.
Sally - An Angel. Where does a black baby go after he or she has passed away?
Joe - I don't know.
Sally - To heaven. What does the baby get after he or she arrives in heaven?
Joe - I don't know.
Sally - Wings. What is the baby called?
Joe - A bat!

The teacher says, "Children, today I will ask each of you to come to the front of the class and use a word in a sentence. Today's word is "beautiful". Little Sally, would you please come up here and use "beautiful" in a sentence?" Little Sally walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, my mom is the most beautiful woman in the world." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Sally, you may sit. Little Frankie, your turn." Little Frankie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, the sunrise this morningwas the most beautiful sunrise I have ever seen." Teacher says, "Very good, Little Frankie, you may sit. Little Johnny, it's your turn." Little Johnnie walked to the front of the room, thought for a moment and said, "Teacher, last night my big sister told my dad that she was pregnant and he said, "Beautiful, just fucking beautiful."

THESE ARE REAL NOTES FROM A REAL CHILLI COOK OFF
Notes from an inexperienced chili taster named Frank, who was visiting Texas from the east coast:
"Recently, I was honored to be selected as a judge at a chili cook-off. The original person called in sick at the last moment, and I happened to be standing there at the judge's table asking directions to the beer wagon when the call came. I was assured by the other two judges (native Texans) that the chili wouldn't be all that spicy, and besides, they told me I could have free beer during the tasting. So I accepted. Here are the scorecards from the event:
Chilli # 1: Mike's Maniac Mobster Monster Chili
JUDGE ONE: A little too heavy on tomato. Amusing kick.
JUDGE TWO: Nice, smooth tomato flavor. Very mild.
FRANK: Holy shit, what the hell is this stuff? You could remove dried paint from your driveway. Took me two beers to put the flames out. I hope that's the worst one. These Texans are crazy.
Chilli # 2: more...

There once was a girl named Sally Smith. Whenever she chewed gum she would say yes. And whenever she didn't chew gum she would say no.

One day Sally heard a knock at the door. When she opened the door, chewing her gum, she discovered it was the postman. The postman greeted her cheerfully, "Hello there Sally, I have a package for you"

Sally smiled.

The postman said, "Sally would you like me to bring the package inside as it is rather heavy?"

Sally said yes.

The postman said, "Sally would you like me to put the package in your bedroom?"

Sally said yes.

Once they reached Sally's bedroom, the postman turned to sally and said "Sally, would you like me to take that gum out of your mouth and shove it up your arse?"

Sally said yes.

So the postman took the gum out of Sally's mouth and proceeded to shove it up her arse.

The postman asked Sally, more...