Sample Jokes / Recent Jokes
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job.
"Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything any time!"
"Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."
He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the world's best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, any time!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets more...
A man walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "Sorry, we don't need anyone..." they replied."You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone anything anytime!""Well, we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, then you have a job."He was gone about two hours and returned and handed them two checks, one for $25,000 and another for $50,000."How in the world did you do that?" they asked."I told you I'm the worlds best salesman, I can sell anyone anything, anytime!""Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him."What's that?" he asked."Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000 the company requires a urine sample. Now take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."He was gone about 8 hours and the office was about to close, when in he walks in with two five gallon buckets, one in each hand. He sets the buckets down and reaches in his shirt pocket and more...
An older man goes in for his yearly physical, with his wife tagging along.
When the doctor enters the examination room he says, "I will need a urine sample, a stool sample, and a sperm sample."
The old man, being hard of hearing, turns to his wife and asks, "What did he say?"
The wife yells back to him, "GIVE HIM YOUR UNDERWEAR!"
THE DRUG STORE COMPUTER
Todd complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should
see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at
the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a
doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will
diagnose your problem and tell you what yoy can do about it only costs
$10. 00."
Todd figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine
sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the
sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making noises and
the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a
small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have Tennis Elbow
Soak your arm in warm water
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was more...
One day Bill complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, I guess I should see a doctor."
His friend offered, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker an cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10."
Bill figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. The computer started making some noise and various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy lifting. It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be more...
From the mouth of Aussie comedian King Billy Cokebottle
I was travellin in the outback one day wit my friend Morton, when off in the distance we sees a booze bus (police).
Morton thinks this is great and heads straight for it.
We pulls up and Morton winds his window down and says "Two cans of Emu Export thanks mate!"
The copper looks at me and Morton and says "You must be drunk! Get out of the car and blow into this bag for me."
Morton got out of the car and said "Sorry boss, I can't blow in that. I got a letter from the doc saying I'm asthmatic and I'll pass out if I blow in that."
The cop looks at him and with a bemused look and says "OK. In these cases we require you to give a blood sample."
"Nah nah sorry boss. Can't be doin that. I got a letter from the Red Cross saying I'm a Hemophiliac and I could bleed to death. Sorry boss, can't do that" said more...
A woman went to the doctor's office for a physical. The doctor took a blood sample and told her to return in one week for the results.
One week later, she and her husband returned to the doctor's office. The doctor took the husband aside and told him, "Sir, I'm afraid I have some bad news. We accidentally mixed your wife's blood sample with another patient's, and we have no idea whose is whose. The bad news is one has Alzheimer's disease, and the other has AIDS. I want you to come back in another week and by then I should have it all sorted out."
The man looked scared and said, "That's terrible, doc, what should I do until then?"
"Well, when you're driving home today, drop her off two blocks away from your house. If she makes it home, don't have sex with her!"