Sample Jokes / Recent Jokes
Morris walks into an insurance office and asks for a job. "We don't need anyone," they replied.
"You can't afford not to hire me. I can sell anyone, anytime, anything."
"Well we have two prospects that no one has been able to sell. If you can sell just one, you have a job." He was gone about two hours, and returned and handed them two checks - one for $25,000.00 and another for $50,000.00.
"How in the world did you do that?" they asked.
"I told you I'm the worlds best salesman. I can sell anyone, anywhere, anytime!"
"Did you get a urine sample?" they asked him.
"What's that?" he asked.
"Well, if you sell a policy over $20,000.00 the company requires a urine sample. Take these two bottles and go back and get urine samples."
Morris was gone about six hours and they were fixing to close when in he walks in with two five more...
Men should ace this test. .. women may have a little difficulty.
Mohan might have some trouble with this one.....
There IS a code of "Restroom Etiquette" that MUST be followed.
The following is the urinal configuration in a sample men's room.
An X above the number will indicate "in use."
(Sample)
| | | x | | | x | (Indicates that urinals 3 and 6
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | are occupied.)
-------------------------
You are to identify, based on urinal etiquette, at which stall you
should stand.
Good luck!
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Easy Section
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1.)
| | x | | x | | | (Urinals 2 and 4 occupied.)
| 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 |
-------------------------
Your choice: ___
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Correct answer: 6 It's the ONLY one to go to and every guy
instinctively knows this.
2.)
| more...
You will need the following:
1 cup of water
1 cup of sugar
4 eggs
2 cups of dried chopped fruit
1 teaspoon baking soda
2-1/2 cups flour
1 cup brown sugar
1-1/2 teaspoon vanilla
1 cup chopped nuts
1 cup lemon juice
Bottle of your favorite whiskey
Sample the whiskey to check for quality.
Take a large mixing bowl.
Check the whiskey again. To be sure it is the highest quality, pour one level cup and drink. Repeat.
Turn on the electric mixer, beat one cup of butter in a large fluffy bowl. Add one teaspoon of sugar and beat again.
Make sure the whiskey is still okay. Try another cup.
Turn off the mixer. Break eggs and add to the bowl. Mix on the turner. If the fried druit gets stuck in the beaterers, pry it loose with a drewscriver.
Sample the whiskey to check for tonisticity.
Next, sift two cups of salt... or something... anything... who cares.
Check the whishkey. Repeat.
Now sift the lemon juice and strain more...
One day a blonde walked into a cookie shop to see a small tray full of cookies. The sign said' free sample' so she took one.
The next day the blond was sick and could barely move. She swore revenge upon the cookie shop. She marched back to the cookie shop and burst into the cookie shop and slammed her foot. "Your cookies made me sick!" she screamed, pointing to the' free sample' tray.
"Oh, what are we going to do about that?" said the store clerk, as he bit his lip.
"I want my money back!" screamed the blonde.
A man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts. I guess I
should see a doctor. His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a
computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and
cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the
computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do
about it. It only costs $10. 00." The man figured he had nothing to lose,
so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding
the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00. The
computer started making some noises and the various lights started
flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper on which
was printed:
You have tennis elbow
Soak your arm in warm water.
Avoid heavy labor
It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology more...
One day, a man complained to his friend, "My elbow really hurts, guess I should see a doctor." His friend said, "Don't do that. There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine, and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. And it only costs $10. 00." The guy figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making some noise andvarious lights started flashing. After a brief pause, out popped a small slip of paper which read: You have tennis elbow. Soak your arm in warm water, avoid heavy labor. It will be better in two weeks. That evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this computer could be fooled. He decided to more...
Bob complained to his friend "My elbow really hurts. I guess I should see a doctor." His friend offered, "Don't do that!!! There's a computer at the drug store that can diagnose anything, quicker and cheaper than a doctor. Simply put in a sample of your urine and the computer will diagnose your problem and tell you what you can do about it. It only costs $10. 00."
Bob figured he had nothing to lose, so he filled a jar with a urine sample and went to the drug store. Finding the computer, he poured in the sample and deposited the $10. 00. The computer started making some noises and the various lights started flashing. After a brief pause out popped a small slip of paper on which was printed:
You have tennis elbow Soak your arm in warm water. Avoid heavy labor It will be better in two weeks.
Late that evening while thinking how amazing this new technology was and how it would change medical science forever, he began to wonder if this machine could be more...