Santa Jokes / Recent Jokes

NORTH POLE (API) - MICROSOFT announced an agreement with Santa Claus Industries to acquire Christmas at a press conference held via satellite from Santa’s summer estate somewhere in the southern hemisphere. In the deal, Microsoft would gain exclusive rights to Christmas, Reindeer, and other unspecified inventions. In addition, Microsoft will gain access to millions of households through the Santa Sleigh.
The announcement also included a notice that beginning December 9, 1997, Christmas and the Reindeer names would be copyrighted by Microsoft. This unprecedented move was facilitated by the recently acquired MS Court. Microsoft stated its commitment to “all who have made Christmas great, ” and vowed to “make licensing of the Christmas and Reindeer names available to all. ” It is believed that the guidelines for licensing these names, due before Halloween, will be very strict.
When asked “Why buy Christmas? ” Bill Gates replied “Microsoft has been working on a more...

December 26, 1999Dear Santa, You must be surprised that I'm writing to you today, the 26th of December. Well I would very much like to clear up certain things that have occurred since the beginning of the month, when, filled with illusion, I wrote you my letter.I asked for a bicycle, an electric train set, a pair of roller blades, and a football uniform. I destroyed my brain studying the whole year. Not only was I the first in my class, but I had the best grades in the whole school.I'm not going to lie to you, there was no one in my entire neighborhood that behaved better than me, with my parents, my brothers, my friends, and with my neighbors. I would go on errands, and even help the elderly cross the street. There was virtually nothing within reach that I would not do for humanity.What balls do you have leaving me a fucking yo-yo, a stupid whistle, and a pair of socks? What the fuck were you thinking you fat son of a bitch?! That you have taken me for a sucker the whole fucking year more...

Santa and his wife, Jeeto, went on vacation to a resort. One morning, Santa came back from fishing after getting up really early that morning and took a nap. Jeeto decided to take the boat out. She was not familiar with the lake, so she rowed out a short distance from shore, anchored the boat and started reading a book she had brought with her.
Along comes a guard in his boat - pulls up alongside and asks, "What are you doing out here?"
Jeeto replies, "I'm just reading a book."
"Well, ma'am, this is a restricted area," he says.
Then, he sees all the fishing equipment in the boat and continues, "You can't fish here, ma'am."
To which she replies, "I'm not fishing. I'm merely sitting here reading my book."
"But you have all this equipment, I will have to take you in and write you up."
"If you do that I will charge you with rape."
"Why...I didnt even touch you."
"No, more...

Banta called his friend, Santa, and told him that he recently met the woman of his dreams. Now what should he do?

Santa said, "Send her some flowers, and on the card invite her for a home-cooked meal."

Banta liked the idea, so he invited the woman.

The day after the meal Santa calls Banta and asks about the meal.

Banta, "It was a flop idea."

Santa, "Didn't the girl come to your house?"

Banta, "She did, but she refused to cook!"

December 1
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
I'm happy to inform you that the company Christmas Party will take place on December 23rd at Luigi's Open Pit Barbecue. There will be lots of spiked eggnog and a small band playing traditional carols... feel free to sing along. And don't be surprised if our CEO shows up dressed as Santa Claus to light the Christmas tree! Exchange of gifts among employees can be done at that time; however, no gift should be over $10. Merry Christmas to you and your family.
Patty Lewis
Human Resources Director
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December 2nd
TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
In no way was yesterday's memo intended to exclude our Jewish employees. We recognize that, Hanukkah is an important holiday that often coincides with Christmas (though unfortunately not this year). However, from now on we're calling it our "Holiday Party." The same policy applies to employees who are celebrating Kwanzaa at this time. There more...

Once Santa And Banta Were Sitting In A Clinic For A Medical Test.
Banta Was Weeping Noisely. When Santa Asked What Happened, He Replied That He Had Come There For Blood Test And Doctors Will Cut His Finger. Hearing This, Santa Started Weeping Even More Noisely. Amazed, Banta Asked What Happened.
Santa Replied: I M Here For A Urine Test.

Why does Santa Claus only have seven reindeer? Because Prancer moved in with a hairdresser in Beverly Hills.