Santa Jokes / Recent Jokes

Q: How does Santa get his elves in line?
A: In Elfabetical order!
Q: How does Santa keep his elves in line?
A: HE BEATS THEM WITH A STICK!

There were three friends Santa, Banta and Jugnu in Shimla. Once, while they were at their local bar, they got to talking about how cold it was outside, and how cold their residences were. They could agree on everything but whose residence was the coldest, so they decided to determine who indeed had the coldest house.
They went to Jugnu's residence, where he said "Watch this!"
Jugnu poured a cup of water into the air. Well, the water froze in mid-air and fell onto the floor solid.
"Not bad", said Santa and Banta.
So they went to Banta's residence, and he said "Watch this!"
Banta took a big breath and exhaled, whereupon his breath froze into a big lump and fell to the floor.
"Wow, that's colder than mine!" said Jugnu.
But Santa exclaimed that his was colder still. So they ended up at Santa's residence.
Santa said "Watch this!"
Santa went into the bedroom, threw back the thick furs, and retrieved one of more...

Dear Friends
I have been watching you very closely to see if you have been good this year, and since you have, I will be telling my elves to make some goodies for me to leave under your tree at Christmas. I was going to bring you all the gifts from the "Twelve Days of Christmas", but we had a little problem up here.
The twelve fiddlers fiddling, have all come down with VD from fiddling with the ten ladies dancing. The eleven lords a leaping have knocked up the eight maids a milking, and the nine pipers playing, have been arrested for doing weird things to the seven swans a swimming. The six geese a laying, four calling birds, three French hens, two turtle doves, and a partridge in a pear tree, have me up to my ass in bird shit. On top of all this, Mrs. Clause is going through menopause, eight of my reindeer are in heat, the elves have joined The Gay Liberation Front, and those dumb Newfoundlanders have scheduled Christmas for the 5th Of February.
Sincerely, more...

Once Santa Singh Entered A Cybercafe To Check His Mails. It Was Crowded So He Had To Wait. As He Waited He Saw A Man Checking His Mails. He Stood Behind Him And Watched. The Man Typed His Password And Was Waiting When Santa Singh Cried Out'Yes Yes I Know Your Password. I Can Read Your Mails Now.
"Surprised The Man Asked "Oh Yeah, Tell Me What Is It".
Santa Singh Replied " Five Stars."

Fed up of people making fun of him, Santa decided to change his religion. He joined a priest in a church as his assistant. One day the priest was called away for an emergency. Not wanting to leave the confessional unattended, he called Santa D'costa (his new assistant) and asked him to cover for him. Santa told him he would't know what to say, but the priest told him to stay with him for a little while and learn what to do.
Santa joined the priest and then followed him into the confessional. A few minutes later a woman came in and said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Woman:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many times?'
Woman:' Three times.'
Priest:' Say two Hail Marys, put $5. 00 in the charity box, and sin no more.'
A few minutes later a man entered the confessional. He said,' Father forgive me for I have sinned.'
Priest:' What did you do?'
Man:' I committed adultery.'
Priest:' How many more...

Santa: tainu Sunny Deol da phone no pata hai...?
Banta: Nahin, kyon ki hoya?
Santa: Yaaar asi Nalka patauna si.

One day a little boy was sitting on santas lap.
Santa puts his finger on the boy nose and says, ”I bet you’re name is (spells out) J I M M Y. ” Jimmys eyes lit up in excitement.
Santa puts his finger on Jimmys nose and says, ”I bet you want a B I K E. ” Again Jimmy was surprised, then gets a wierd look on his face and says, ”Santa, I bet you like G I R L S. ”Santa says “Yes, how do you know? ”Jimmy says, ”Cuz you’re finger smells like P *** Y. ”