Santa Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Christmas morning a cop on horseback is sitting at a traffic light, and next to him is a kid on his shiny new bike. The cop says to the kid, "Nice bike you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" The kid says, "Yeah." The cop says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put a tail-light on that bike." The cop then proceeds to issue the kid a $20. 00 bicycle safety violation ticket. The kid takes the ticket and before he rides off says, "By the way, that's a nice horse you got there. Did Santa bring that to you?" Humoring the kid, the cop says, "Yeah, he sure did." The kid says, "Well, next year tell Santa to put the dick underneath the horse, instead of on top."

This was sent to me by Stefan (who works here), who got it from Steve (who
works at Hayes down the street), who evidently got it from somewhere that
had SPY magazine in its ancestry....The rebuttal is all mine, however. Jim.
Proposition: IS THERE A SANTA CLAUS? (See below for my rebuttal..)
As a result of an overwhelming lack of requests, and with research help from
that renown scientific journal SPY magazine (January, 1990) - I am pleased to
present the annual scientific inquiry into Santa Claus.
1) No known species of reindeer can fly. BUT there are 300,000 species of
living organisms yet to be classified, and while most of these are insects
and germs, this does not COMPLETELY rule out flying reindeer which only Santa
has ever seen.
2) There are 2 billion children (persons under 18) in the world.
BUT since Santa doesn't (appear) to handle the Muslim, Hindu, Jewish and
Buddhist children, that reduces the workload to 15% of the total more...

Santa: Why are you heating the knife. Banta: To do suicide. Santa: But why are you heating it? Banta: To prevent infection.

A little girl is in line to see Santa When it's her turn, she climbs up on Santa's lap. Santa asks, "What would you like Santa to bring you for Christmas"?
The little girl replies, "I want a Barbie and G.I. Joe".
Santa looks at the little girl for a moment and says, "I thought Barbie comes with Ken."
"No", says the little girl. "She comes with GI Joe, she fakes it with Ken."

Santa applied for a loan of Rs 10,00,000.
The banker pulled out the loan application, "What have you got for collateral?"
"What's collateral?"
"Well that's something of value that would cover the cost of the loan. Have you got any vehicle?"
"Yes, a Tata Sumo."
The banker shook his head, "Any fixed assets, like land, house, building or...?"
"Yes, I have five acres of land, and a small farm house."
Finally, the banker decided to make the loan. Several weeks later, Santa was back in the bank.
He pulled out a roll of bills, "Here to pay." he said.
He then handed the banker the money to pay his loan off.
"What are you going to do with the rest of that money?"
"Don't know."
"Why don't you deposit it in my bank," he asked.
"Don't know deposit."
"You put the money in our bank and we take care of it for you. When you want to more...

Jasmeet caught her husband Santa Singh searching high and low all around his living room.
Jasmeet: “What are you searching for? ”
Santa: “Hidden camera! ”
Jasmeet: “And what makes you think that there are hidden camera here? ”
Santa: “That guy on tv knows exactly what I am doing. Why every few minutes he keeps saying, You are watching the Star World channel. How does he know that? ”

Santa - "why are all these people running?" Banta - "This is a race, the winner will get the cup." Santa - "If only the winner will get the cup, why are the others running?"