Santa Jokes / Recent Jokes

On Christmas Eve, a young boy with light in his eyes
Looked deep into Santa's, to Santa's surprise
And said as he sat on Santa's broad knee,
"I want your secret. Tell it to me."
He leaned up and whispered in Santa's good ear
"How do you do it, year after year?"
"I want to know how, as you travel about,
Giving gifts here and there, you never run out.
How is it, Dear Santa, that in your pack of toys
You have plenty for all of the world's girls and boys?
Stays so full, never empties, as you make your way
around the whole world, The reindeer pulling your sleigh
From rooftop to rooftop, to homes large and small,
From nation to nation, reaching them all?"
And Santa smiled kindly and said to the boy,
"Don't ask me hard questions. Don't you want a toy?"
But the child shook his head, and Santa could see
That he needed the answer. "Now listen to me,"
He told that small boy more...

Santa calls a call center of air sahara to know the journey time of delhi to bombay. When his call gets connected, he asks "sir, how much time will your plane take from delhi to bombay? Officer says "just a minute sir' santa says thankyou very much and disconnects the call.

Two Punjabi men, Santa Sahib & Banta Sahib, are visiting Madras. Desiring to buy condoms, they enter a medical store and approach the Tamilian shop-keeper.
"Oye! Santa, these chootiya (stupid) Madrasis don't know any Punjabi or Hindustani!" exclaims Banta in Punjabi just before they talk to the Tamilian. "So how will we tell him what we want?"
"Don't worry yaar! Sign language is a universal language! Just do as I do," replies Santa in Punjabi. With that, Santa pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. The South Indian shop-keeper is amused but remains silent. Banta then likewise pulls down his pyjamas, puts his fair penis onto the table & places a Rs 100 note next to it. Grinning widely, the Tamil shop-keeper then pulls down his lungi and places his black penis onto the table, next to the genitals of the two Punjabi Sahibs.
The Dravidian laughs loudly as his one-foot long ebony more...

Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. Why does Santa have 3 gardens?
A. So he can ho-ho-ho.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. What's red and white and gives presents to good little fish on Christmas?
A. Sandy Claws.
Q. What do you get when you cross a snowman with a vampire?
A. Frostbite.
Q. Why was Santa's little helper depressed?
A. Because he had low elf esteem.
Q. What do you get when you cross an archer with a gift-wrapper?
A. Ribbon hood.
Q. What do you call people who are afraid of Santa Claus?
A. Claustrophobic.
Q. What do snowmen eat for breakfast?
A. Snowflakes.
Q. Why did the little girl change her mind about buying her grandmother a packet od handkerchiefs for Christmas?
A. She said "I could not work out what size her nose was!
Q. What was so good about he neurotic doll more...

'Twas the night before Christmas and all round my hips
were Fannie May candies that sneaked past my lips.
Fudge brownies were stored in the freezer with care
in hopes that my thighs would forget they were there.
While Mama in her girdle and I in chin straps
had just settled down to sugar-borne naps.
When out in the pantry there arose such a clatter
I sprang from my bed to see what was the matter.
Away to the kitchen I flew like a flash
tore open the icebox then threw up the sash.
The marshmallow look of the new-fallen snow
sent thoughts of a binge to my body below.
When what to my wandering eyes should appear:
a marzipan Santa with eight chocolate reindeer!
That huge chunk of candy so luscious and slick
I knew in a second that I'd wind up sick.
The sweet-coated Santa, those sugared reindeer
I closed my eyes tightly but still I could hear;
On Pritzker, on Stillman, on weak one, on TOPS
a Weight Watcher dropout more...

The mafia was looking for a new man to make weekly collections from all the private businesses that they were 'protecting'. Feeling the heat from the police force, they decided to use a deaf person for this job - if he were to get caught, he wouldn't be able to communicate to the police what he was doing.
Well, on his first week, the deaf collector picks up over Rs 50,00,000. He gets greedy, decides to keep the money and stashes it in a safe place. The mafia soon realizes that their collection is late, and sends some of their hoods after the deaf collector. The hoods find the deaf collector and ask him where the money is.
The deaf collector can't communicate with them, so the mafia drags Santa to an interpreter.
The mafia hood says to Santa, "Ask him where is the money."
Santa signs, "Where's the money?"
The deaf replies, "I don't know what you're talking about."
Santa tells the hood, "He says he doesn't know what you're more...

This one I heard from my friend:
There was a man who stopped by a hotel and asked to use the bathroom.
The manager said, "Sure but our bathroom is haunted by a ghost."
The man said, "I'm not afraid of no ghost."
So the man goes into the bathroom and he hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
The man runs out screaming, and the hotel manager shakes his head and yells, "I told you so!"
Another man comes by and says, "Oh crap, I really need to use your bathroom!"
The manager says, "Sure but there's a ghost haunting the bathroom."
The man replies, "I don't believe in ghosts!"
The man goes in the bathroom and hears, "I'm the ghost of Willy Winky. I'll lick your balls and eat your weenie."
The man then runs out screaming.
Then Santa Claus comes in and says, "I really need to use your bathroom."
The manager says, more...