Santa Banta Jokes / Recent Jokes

After just a few years of marriage, filled with constant arguments, Banta and his wife Preeto decided the only way to save their marriage was to try counseling. They had been at each others throats for some time and felt that this was their last straw.
When they arrived at the counselor`s office, the counselor jumped right in and opened the floor for discussion.
"What seems to be the problem?"
Immediately, Banta held his long face down without anything to say. On the other hand, Preeto began talking 90 miles an hour describing all the wrongs within their marriage.
After 10-15 minutes of listening to the wife, the counselor went over to her, picked her up by her shoulders, kissed her passionately for several minutes, and sat her back down.
Afterwards, Preeto sat there - speechless. He looked over at Banta who was staring in disbelief at what had happened.
The counselor spoke to Banta, "Your wife NEEDS that at least twice a more...

Banta owned a pub in the Ludhiana, and in the summertime a swarm of flies seemed to just hover over the buffet table. This had been going on for about a month.
Santa, the neighborhood mooch, walked in one day.
"I`m not giving you another free beer!" Banta hollered, as he noticed Santa.
Santa was not without a plan, however. He approached Banta and offered him a deal.
"I`ve been noticing these flies for the last weeks. If you`ll give me a shot, I`ll kill every one of them for you."
Banta gave him the agreed-upon shot. Once he had downed it, Santa got up and headed for the door.
"All right," he shouted, "send them out - one at a time!"

Banta`s driving along the highway one evening when all of a sudden nature calls. He sees a little bar up the way and he pulls into the parking lot.
When he gets inside, he finds the place is packed! The bar is crowded with people trying to get drinks, ladies are dancing on the tables and there`s hardly standing room anywhere.
Banta scans the place a couple of times to find the restrooms, but to no avail. Finally, he spots a small stairway and scrambles up.
When he gets to the top, he discovers that all the doors are locked. All but one. When he opens the door, all he sees is a big hole in the floor. Desperate, he drops his pants and dumps the biggest load he`s ever had right there in the hole.
Relieved, he calmly walks down the stairs. The once crowded barroom is completely empty, not a soul was in sight. Slowly, a bartender rises from behind the bar.
"What happened!?!" says Banta.
The bartender responds "Where were you when the shit hit more...

Santa reported for his university final examination, which consists of “Yes/No” type questions. He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his purse out, removes a coin and starts tossing it, marking the answer sheet yes for heads and no for tails. Within half an hour he is all done whereas the rest of the class is sweating it out. During the last few minutes, he is seen desperately flipping the coin, muttering and sweating. The moderator, alarmed, approaches his and asks what is going on? Santa replies, “I’m rechecking my answers and I don’t think I did very good

Banta was driving back from Shimla when there was a terrible hailstorm. Huge hailstones the size of tennis balls pelted his car leaving it full of dents.
He drove to the nearby automotive center and asked what he should do. The mechanic explained what needed to be done and that it would cost at least Rs 5, 000 to repair. Banta said that was too much and asked if there was some other way to fix it.
He decided to have a little fun and said, "Well you could blow into the tail pipe real hard and they might pop back out."
Banta decided to give it a try before spending that much money. He drove home and was in the garage with his lips wrapped around the exhaust pipe when his neighbour Santa came over to visit.
"What are you doing?" asked Santa.
"I`m blowing into the tailpipe real hard to pop all these dents out of my car," explained Banta.
"Well silly, it`s not going to work," replied Santa.
"Why not?" more...

Santa, And Banta, a beautiful girl and an old woman are sitting in a train in Europe. The train suddenly goes thru a tunnel and. .. it gets completely dark. Suddenly there is a kissing sound and then a slap! The train comes out of the tunnel. The woman and the Banta are sitting there looking perplexed. The Santa is bent over holding his face which is red from an apparent slap. The old woman is thinking: That Santa must have tried to kiss that girl and has got slapped. The Santa is thinking: `Damn it, that Banta

Banta has a cross-eyed bull that keeps bumping into things. He calls up to vet to try to remedy the problem.
The vet says, "I think the best thing is to stick a pipe up his ass and blow real hard and the bulls` eyes will straighten out."
The vet - a 70 year old man - inserts the pipe and blows. The bulls` eyes begin to straighten, but the vet soon looses his breath and the bulls` eyes are crossed again. The vet gives it another try, but looses his breath again.
The vet looks at Banta and says, "You look like a strong man, why don`t you give it a try."
Banta agrees. He then takes the pipe out of the bulls` ass, turns it around, and sticks it back in. He then begins to blow.
"Shit!!!" says the vet. "What in the hell did you do that for?"
Banta replies, "You don`t think I am going to put my mouth on the same end of the pipe that you had your on."