Satan Jokes / Recent Jokes

Bill Gates dies and goes to hell.
Satan greets him: "Welcome Mr. Gates, we've been waiting for you. This will be your home for all eternity. You've been selfish, greedy and a big liar all your life. Now, since you've got me in a good mood, I'll be generous and give you a choice of three places in which you'll be locked up forever."
Satan takes Bill to a huge lake of fire in which millions of poor souls are tormented and tortured. He then takes him to a massive coliseum where thousands of people are chased about and devoured by starving lions.
Finally, he takes Bill to a tiny room in which there is a Beautiful young blonde with an alluring look on her face, sitting at a table on which there is a bottle of the finest wine. To Bill's delight, he sees a PC in the corner. Without hesitation, Bill says, "I'll take this option."
"Fine," says Satan, allowing Bill to enter the room. Satan locks the room after Bill. As he turns around, he bumps into more...

Some important theological questions can best be answered by
thinking of God as a computer programmer:
Q: Did God really create the world in seven days?
A: He did it in six days and nights while living on cola and
candy bars. On the seventh day he went home and found out his
girlfriend had left him.
Q: What causes God to intervene in earthly affairs?
A: If a critical error occurs, the system pages him automatically
and he logs on from home to try to bring it up. Otherwise, things
can wait until tomorrow.
Q: How come the Age of Miracles ended?
A: That was the development phase of the project. Now we're in
the maintenance phase.
Q: Who is Satan?
A: Satan is an MIS director who takes credit for more powers than
he actually possesses, so nonprogrammers become scared of him.
God thinks he's irritating but irrelevant.
Q: Why does God allow evil to happen?
A: God thought he eliminated evil in one of the earlier more...

One bright, beautiful Sunday morning, everyone in tiny Jonestown wakes up early and goes to their local church. Before the service starts, the townspeople sit in their pews and talk about their lives and their families.

Suddenly, at the altar, Satan appears!! Everyone starts screaming and running for the front entrance, trampling each other in their determined efforts to get away from Evil Incarnate. Soon, everyone is evacuated from the church except for one man, who sit calmly in his pew, seemingly oblivious to the fact that God`s ultimate enemy is in his presence. This confuses Satan a bit. Satan walks up to the man and says, "Hey, don`t you know who I am?" The man says, "Yep, sure do."

Satan says, "Well, aren`t you afraid of me?" The man says, "Nope, sure ain`t."

Satan, perturbed, says, "And why aren`t you afraid of me?" The man says, "Well, I`ve been married to your sister for 25 years."

Two Boys Were Walking Home From Sunday School After Hearing A Strong Preaching On The Devil. One Said To The Other, "What Do You Think About All This Satan Stuff?"
The Other Boy Replied, "Well, You Know How Santa Claus Turned Out. It's Probably Just Your Dad."

Bill Clinton dies and goes to hell. Once there he meets Satan.
Satan: Well, Bill since you were such an important person on the earth, you get the choose how you spend your miserable eternity here
Bill: Well what are my choices?
They walk down a hot, steamy hallway and Satan open a door. Inside the room is Bill Gates hanging by chains from the ceiling in a vat of fire.
His eternal suffering is to burn and burn and burn.
Bill: Wow! I don't think I like that one very much. What else is there?
Satan closes the door and leads the ex-President to the next. Inside that door Ross Perot is on a rack, eternally being torn to pieces, his flesh tearing and tearing over and over again.
Bill: Ouch! Nope. I'm not real pleased with that one either
Satan: OK. Maybe You;ll like this one over here.
The Lord of Hell opens a third door on the other side of the hall.
Within they see Kenneth Starr chained to a wall. He is naked and receiving oral sex from Monika more...

An engineer dies and reports to the Pearly Gates. St. Peter checks his lists and says "Ah; you're an engineer - you're in the wrong place."
So the engineer reports to the gates of hell and is let in. Pretty soon the engineer gets dissatisfied with the dismal level of comfort in hell so he begins designing some improvements. He uses the fires of hell to generate electricity. He uses the electricity to manufacture things.
After a while they've got air conditioning and manufacturing plants. There he makes flush toilets and escalators. He wires hell with phones.
Needless to say the engineer is a pretty popular guy.
One day God calls Satan up on the telephone and says with a sneer "So how's it going down there in hell?"
Satan replies "Hey things are going great! Couldn't be better. We've got air conditioning and flush toilets and escalators and there's no telling what the engineer is going to come up with next."
God replies more...

A curious fellow died one day and found himself waiting in the long line of judgment. As he stood there he noticed that some souls were allowed to march right through the gates of heaven. Others, though, were led over to Satan who threw them into the burning pit.
But every so often, instead of hurling a poor soul into the fire, Satan would toss a soul off to one side into a small pile. After watching Satan do this several times, the fellow's curiosity got the best of him. So he strolled over and asked Satan, "Excuse me, Prince of Darkness," he said. "I'm waiting in line for judgment, but I couldn't help wondering, why are you tossing those people aside instead of flinging them into the fires of hell with the others?"
"Ah, those," Satan said with a groan. "They're all from Seattle. They're too wet to burn yet."