Satanic Jokes / Recent Jokes

Thank you for calling the Satanic Hotline. All of our operators are busy at the moment. If you would like, leave a brief message after the tone, and someone will get back to you... When hell freezes over.

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented." Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?" "Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39. 95. Do you know which one it is?" "Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?" I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of more...

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented.

"Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?"

"Do you have that book by Rushdie:' Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")

"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $
39.
95. Do you know which one it is?"

"Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha... what a bone head!

"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm... I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen... do you?

"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No... that's your brain miss-firing.)

"I am more...

Satanic Barney Proof Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR Prove: Barney is satanic The Romans had no letter' U', and used' V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 Adding those numbers produces: 666. 666 is the number of the Beast. Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN! oI=vo? /$="'" """^SATAN$~. &?/' `""$$,, /?/' /-"^.. -=~T,, /?/' /SATAN| |IS,&' |LT `? ``?^I/HATE@:~:$=v. `$k==v.??, `d `$$'9P'I-LOVE=SATAN/$$~?$, R/ /$?~^'"""""`"&&

These "Weird Reference Questions" are from the Library Paraprofessionals Listserv. All of these are real and provide proof that a "better idiot" can be invented."Do you have a list of all the books written in the English language?""Do you have that book by Rushdie: 'Satanic Nurses'?" (Actual title: "Satanic Verses")"I was here about three weeks ago looking at a cookbook that cost $39.95. Do you know which one it is?""Can you tell me why so many famous Civil War battles were fought on National Park Sites?" hahahaha...what a bone head!"Do you have any books with photographs of dinosaurs?" hmmm...I don't recollect any camera-toting cavemen...do you?"I'm looking for information on carpal tunnel syndrome. I think I'm having trouble with it in my neck." (No...that's your brain miss-firing.)"I am looking for a list of laws that I can break that would send me back to jail for a couple of more...

Satanic Barney Proof Given: Barney is a CUTE PURPLE DINOSAUR Prove: Barney is satanic The Romans had no letter 'U', and used 'V' instead for printing, meaning the Roman representation would for Barney would be: CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR CVTE PVRPLE DINOSAVR Extracting the Roman numerals, we have: CV V L DI V And their decimal equivalents are: 100 5 5 50 500 1 5 Adding those numbers produces: 666. 666 is the number of the Beast. Proved: BARNEY IS SATAN! oI=vo ?/$="'" """^SATAN$~ .&?/' '""$$,, /?/' /-"^. .-=~T,, /?/' /SATAN IS,&' LT '? ''? ^I/HATE