Chronicle Jokes

These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
Chronicle Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.
Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
From the San Francisco Chronicle Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
"'The Satanic Verses'-Comics Laugh It Off"
(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." -Don Stevens
[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party." -Fred Reuss
"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
reward. For that much, I think the Muscular more...

A Good Read
Abe is sitting on a bench in Green Park reading an anti-Semitic Newsheet. Solomon, his best friend walks by, sees the paper, and stops --- in shock.
"What are you doing reading that paper?" he says. "You should be reading the Jewish Chronicle!"
Abe replies, "The Jewish Chronicle has stories about inter-marriage, anti-Semitism, problems in Israel---all kinds troubles of the Jewish people. I like to read about good news. This semitic paper says the Jews have all the money...the Jews control the banks...the Jews control the press... the Jews control Hollywood. Better to read nothing but good news!"

Advertisement in the Jewish Chronicle
Mr & Mrs Moshe Levy are pleased to announce the birth of their beloved son, Doctor David Levy."