Comics Jokes

In my life, when I read comics, I thought the "zzzz" in those little balloons indicated someone was sleeping! Boy, did I miss the boat, and it took me all these years to figure it out! All that wasted time! With the help of Bill Gates (the man who avoided changing the lightbulb by redefining darkness as the standard), I have, indeed, seen the light.
Now, I finally know what all those "sleeping" people in those comics had on their minds!
If you want to see what I'm babbling about, start up Microsoft Word, type in "zzzz" (without the quotes, of course) and hit the spell check. Now you too can be enlightened!
REMEMBER it has to be 4 letters of z. Try using the thesaurus too.

These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
Chronicle Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.
Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
From the San Francisco Chronicle Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
"'The Satanic Verses'-Comics Laugh It Off"
(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." -Don Stevens
[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party." -Fred Reuss
"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
reward. For that much, I think the Muscular more...

In my life, when I read comics, I thought the "zzzz" in those little balloons indicated someone was sleeping! Boy, did I miss the boat, and it took me all these years to figure it out! All that wasted time! With the help of Bill Gates (the man who avoided changing the lightbulb by redefining darkness as the standard), I have, indeed, seen the light.
Now, I finally know what all those "sleeping" people in those comics had on their minds!
If you want to see what I'm babbling about, start up Microsoft Word, type in "zzzz" (without the quotes, of course) and hit the spell check. Now you too can be enlightened!
REMEMBER it has to be 4 letters of z. Try using the thesaurus too.

AOL gave me a week to write, produce, shoot, and edit this fake local news show in the summer of 2005. They never wound up using it--for their own convoluted corporate reasons. Someone at AOL thought the #5 in the title was offensive to quintaphobes maybe. Anyway, it stars me, Nick Stevens from the Shark Show, and Becca Greene and Will Nunziata from the Royal We. My pal Alan Harris, who directed the 2005 Emerging Comics of New York Award Winning shorts "I Am Drugs" which are now airing on FUSE, paved our way through this one too. Note: Presumably all the comics that are going to emerge have done so because there doesn't seem to have been a ECNY 2006. I'm glad I emerged in time. Hate to be stuck in whatever open mic limbo all those "unemerged" comics are to live in forever. a DRINK AT WORK production

Hack comics worldwide were in mourning at the news of Steve Irwin's death. A release from the hack comics union read "This is but a cog in the hack comic gear of life. We still have Pacino, Schwarzenegger and Walken impressions and if those fail I have one word for you "Lewinsky". We'll be fine."
Rumors abound that Crocodile Hunter wasn't killed but was trying to kill himself when he heard one too many open micers begin their set with "Can you imagine if the crocodile hunter was a gynocologist.....I think it would go something like this."