"Salman Rushdie one-liners" joke
These are all from a newspaper feature article in the San Francisco
Chronicle Datebook, March 5, 1989, though I've heard at least three
of the one-liners on the radio or TV. I don't feel too bad about
extracting the best lines, since that's what the writer did with the
comics. The entire article is a full page; these are just a few of
the lines.
Offensive to Moslems/Iranians and bookburners, of course.
From the San Francisco Chronicle Datebook section, March 5, 1989,
"'The Satanic Verses'-Comics Laugh It Off"
(The names are Bay Area or nationally-known stand-up comics...)
"Khomeini's idea of 'opening up to the West' means allowing
non-Muslims to hunt Rushdie." -Don Stevens
[Commenting on small nightclub crowd] "This looks like a Salman
Rushdie book-signing party." -Fred Reuss
"If there were a $6 million bounty on me, I'd kill myself just for the
reward. For that much, I think the Muscular Dystrophy people ought to
go after him." -David Feldman
"If Rushdie's book got Khomeini mad, wait till he sees the swimsuit
edition of the Koran." -Johnny Carson
[Shaking his head] "...and wait until Khomeini finds out Safeway
carries pork." -Bob Lacey
[Answering machine tape] "We're not here right now; we've gone to
England to kill Salman Rushdie." -Alex Reid
"I translated 'The Satanic Verses' into Spanish, and now there's a
10 million-peso price on my head. What an insult; I'm worth more than
a nickel." -Jose Simon
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A story is told of a Jewish man who was riding on the subway reading an Arab newspaper. A friend of his, who happened to be riding in the same subway car, noticed this strange phenomenon. Very upset, he approached the newspaper reader.
"Moshe, have you lost your mind? more...
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