Saying Jokes / Recent Jokes

China blames U. S. for second mid-air collision! Beijing (Reuters) - Chinese officials have stated they are holding the United States,? Fully responsible" for today? s mid air collision, involving several Chinese aircraft and one American aircraft. This comes just weeks after a similar incident involving a U. S. spy plane. Officials have stated that at approximately 8: 46am, GMT, a squadron of F-8 fighters collided with the American Goodyear Blimp. The crash left over a dozen Chinese fighters downed and the blimps electronic billboard damaged. A Chinese pilot who witnessed the collision involving his squadron, nicknamed "Panda Rash", told China's news agency that he saw the American blimp dive out of the clouds and onto wingman Thee Sum Yun Dork's f-8 jet. "I told Thee Dork his tail was all broken. Keep it straight. Keep it straight." said the pilot "He could not shake the American foreign-devil" The blimp reportedly then veered left then right, more...

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions. The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand."
The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see", 'Yes, go on' and 'I understand.' 'How did you feel about that?'"
The new priest practices, saying these phrases.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit?!? What happened next?'"

Hampden was a boy of 9, BUT a vey corrupted 1 at that. Though he hated to goto school, lately he attended all his classes due to his sexy class teacher. One day the class teacher told ever one that the class was going on a trip on saturday. Naturally, Hampden was exited.
Then, on the day of the trip, while on their way, the vehicle broke down and the group had to spend the night away from home. Hampden, realising his chance, started crying in the middle of the night. The teacher inquired why, and Hampden answered promptly saying "i sleep with my mom at night". so the teacher asked him to come and sleep next to her. Then, a little later, Hampden started crying again and the teacher inquired why and Hampden replied "when i sleep at home, i put my finger inside my mom's belly button(BURIYA)". So the teacher told hampden that he could put his finger in her belly button.
A little while later the teacher shakes hampden and says "Hampden, that's not my more...

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest suggests, "Cross you arms over your chest, and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this. The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than slapping your knee and saying 'No shit! What happened next?'"

A blond sees a brunette standing in the middle of the highway. The brunette keeps saying, "88, 88, 88..."The blond calls to her as the cars and trucks wizz past."What are you doing?""I'm counting cars,"comes the rely. "Want to help?""Sure!" says the blond. She walks out to the middle of thehighway to the brunette and starts saying "88, 88, 88.."All the time the cars are dodging the two woman. Then a big semidrives by and runs over the blond. The brunnette calmly walksdown the highway, picks a new spot, and starts muttering, "89, 89, 89..."Sent by Kellie

The new priest is nervous about hearing confessions, so he asks an older priest to sit in on his sessions.
The new priest hears a couple confessions, then the old priest asks him to step out of the confessional for a few suggestions.
The old priest says, "Cross you arms over your chest and rub your chin with one hand." The new priest tries this.
The old priest suggests, "Try saying things like, 'I see,' 'yes,' 'go on,' 'I understand,' and 'how did you feel about that?'"
The new priest says those things, trying them out.
The old priest says, "Now, don't you think that's a little better than saying, 'Whoa... What happened next?'"

TO: ALL EMPLOYEES
FROM: Human Resources
It has been brought to management's attention that some individuals throughout the company have been using foul language during the course of normal conversation with their co-workers. Due to complaints received from some employees who may be easily offended, this type of language will be no longer tolerated.
We do however, realize the critical importance of being able to accurately express your feelings when communicating with co-workers, therefore, a list of "TRY SAYING" new phrases has been provided so that proper exchange of ideas and information can continue in an effective manner without risk of offending our more sensitive employees.
SO...
TRY SAYING
Perhaps I can work late.
INSTEAD OF
When the fuck do you expect me to do this?
TRY SAYING
I'm certain that is not feasible.
INSTEAD OF
No fucking way!!
TRY SAYING
Really?
INSTEAD OF
You've got to be more...