Saying Jokes / Recent Jokes
instead of saying "he's protective" they'll say "he's oppressive"
instead of saying "he's smart" they'll complain "he demeans my intelligence"
instead of saying "he's hard-working" they'll say "he's obsessed with work"
instead of saying "he's confident" they'll say "he's an ego-monster"
On a college field trip, four Engineering and four Pre-Law students were travelling on the same train. The law students each had a ticket, but the Engineers had but one ticket amongst them. One of the Engineers shouted "conductor's coming!", and the four Engineers crowded into one of the bathrooms. The conductor comes by and knocks on the bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The Engineers slip their one and only ticket under the door. The conductor punches it an moves on to the next car.
On the return trip, the four Lawyers, impressed by the Engineers' trick, purchase only one ticket. The Engineers, however have no tickets at all!. Suddenly, one of the Engineers shouts "Conductor's coming". All four Engineers head for the bathroom, and all four lawyers crowd into the other one. Then, one of the Engineers slips out of his bathroom and knocks on the other bathroom door saying "Tickets, please". The lawyers then slip their only ticket under more...
One day the barber gave a priest a haircut. When the priest attempted to pay the barber, he refused the money, saying "You are a priest and do God's work." The next morning, the barber found a dozen bibles on his shop's doorstep.
That day, a policeman came to the barber for a haircut and again the barber refused payment, saying " you protect the public." The following morning the barber found a dozen donuts on his shop's doorstep.
A lawyer then came into the shop for a haircut and again the barber refused his money, saying "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber arrived at his shop and found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
A barber gave a haircut to a priest one day. The priest tried to pay for the haircut, but the barber refused, saying, "you do Gods work." The next morning the barber found a dozen bibles at the door to his shop.
A policeman came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused to pay, saying, "you protect the public." The next morning the barber found a dozen doughnuts at the door to his shop.
A lawyer came to the barber for a haircut, and again the barber refused payment, saying, "you serve the justice system." The next morning the barber found a dozen lawyers waiting for a free haircut.
In the beginning was the Plan. And then came the Assumptions. And the Assumptions were without form. And the Plan was without substance. And darkness was upon the face of the Workers. And the workers spoke among themselves, saying, "This is crock of shit, and it stinks." And the Workers went unto their Supervisors and said, "It is a pail of dung, and we can't live with the smell." And the Supervisors went unto their Managers, saying, "It is a container of excrement, and it is very strong, such that none may abide by it." And the Managers went unto their Directors, saying, "It is a vessel of fertilizer, and none may abide its strength." And the Directors spoke among themselves, saying to one another, "It contains that which aids plant growth, and it is very strong." And the Directors went to the Vice Presidents, saying unto them, "It promotes growth, and it is very powerful.." And the Vice Presidents went to the President, more...
"I'm not saying that the customer service in my bank is bad, but when I went in the other day and asked the clerk to check my balance. .. she leaned over and pushed me."
there once was a brunnet walking on the railroad tack saying "49,49,49." Well a blonde drove by wondering what this crazy girl was doing, so she parked her car and got on the tracks behind the brunnet. A train was coming and the brunnet got off the tracks but the blonde stayed on the tracks, and she got hit by the train. Well the brunnet got back on the track this time she was saying "50,50,50." She was counting how many dumd blondes there were