Scared Jokes / Recent Jokes

A POEM WRITTEN BY AN AFRICAN SHAKESPEARE
Dear white fella
Couple things you should know
When I born, I black
When I grow up, I black
When I go in sun, I black
When I cold, I black
When I scared, I black
When I sick, I black
And when I die, I still black.
You white fella
When you born, you pink
When you grow up, you white
When you go in sun, you red
When you cold, you blue
When you scared, you yellow
When you sick, you green
And when you die, you grey..
And you have the cheek to call me coloured?????

As a sergeant in a parachute regiment I took part in several night time exercises. Once, I was seated next to a Lieutenant fresh from Jump School.

He was quiet sad looked a bit pale so I struck up a conversation. "Scared, Lieutenant?", I asked.

He replied, "No, just a bit apprehensive."

I asked, "What's the difference?"

He replied, "That means I'm scared with a university education."

A young man joined the Army and signed up with the paratroopers. He wentthough the standard training, completed the practice jumps from higherand higher structures, and finally went to take his first jump from anairplane. The next day, he called home to his father to tell him thenews. "So, did you jump?" the father asked. "Well, let me tell you whathappened. We got up in the plane, and the sergeant opened up the doorand asked for volunteers. About a dozen men got up and just walked outof the plane!" Is that when you jumped?" asked the father. "Um, not yet. Then the sergeant started to grab the other men one at a time and throwthem out the door." "Did you jump then?" asked the father. "I'm getting to that. Every one else had jumped, and I was the last manleft on the plane. I told the sergeant that I was too scared to jump. Hetold be to get off the plane or he'd kick my butt." "So, did you jump?" "Not then. He tried more...

"Hi honey, This is Daddy. Is Mommy near the phone?"
"No Daddy. She `s upstairs in the bedroom with Uncle Paul."After a brief pause,
Daddy says,"But honey, you haven `t got an Uncle Paul."
"Oh yes I do, and he `s upstairs in the room with Mommy, right now."
Brief Pause.

"Uh, okay then, this is what I want you to do. Put the phone down on the table, run upstairs and knock on the bedroom door and shout to Mommy that Daddy `s car just pulled into the driveway."
"Okay Daddy, just a minute."
A few minutes later the little girl comes back to the phone.
"I did it Daddy."

"And what happened honey?"
"Well, Mommy got all scared, jumped out of bed with no clothes on and ran around screaming.
Then she tripped over the rug, hit her head on the dresser and now she isn `t moving at
all!" "Oh my God!!!
What about your Uncle more...

Jane calls the doctor in a panic. "Doctor, doctor! My little Jimmy swallowed a dozen aspirin. What should I do?"The doctor asked Jane, "Are you sure it was a dozen?"The frantic mother says, "Absolutely! Doctor, I'm scared to death!"The doctor tells the mother, "Calm down. Is little Jimmy crying?"Jane says "No.""Is he sleeping?" asks the doctor."No." says Jimmy's mom.The doctor goes on with routine questions, "Is his color funny?"Again Jane says "No.""Did Jimmy throw up?" asks the methodical doctor."No." says the worried mom. "But I'm so scared. All that aspirin...shouldn't I do something?"To which the doctor says, "Try giving him a headache."

A paratrooper was scared to jump. His instructor told him, "If anything goes wrong, say, `Buddha oh Buddha' and you will be saved." The paratrooper got so scared that he forgot to pull his rip cord. So he said, "Buddha oh Buddha," and a hand came out and saved him. He said, "Thank God," and he was dropped.

One night a little boy was left alone at home for the weekend. Before leaving his mother told him, "if you get scared put your hand under bed and let the dog lick your hand. Then you will know you are safe."
So during the night the little boy heard a drip drip drip sound. He got very scared and put his hand under his bed and his dog leicked his hand. He then felt better.
A little later he heard the drip drip drip sound again. The boy once again put his hand under his bed and allowd his dog to lick it. He then felt safe.
About five minutes later the little boy heard the drip drip drip sound once again. Instead of putting his hand under his bed he got up and went and looked in the bathroom. There was no noise in there, so he headed for the kitchen. Once he was in there he looked over at the sink and it wasn't dripping. So he went in the laundry room, and there was his dog hung, blood dripping drip drip drip. Makes you wonder what was licking the boy's hand.