Scene Jokes / Recent Jokes

Ok, I know that you can really buy a detachable vagina from an adult store, but here is the problem and my story.

First of all, its very strange to go into a store and ask somebody behind the counter, "Excuse me, where do you keep the vaginas?" Only to have them respond, "Isle 12," like it's nothing, like they do this all the time. Ooops, they do.

Anyway, I am on isle 12 and there are tons of vaginas, just like they said. There are vaginas that vibrate, and I am thinking to myself, "A vibrating vagina? That could be interesting." They even have vaginas with pubic hair. Pubic hair? I'm not gonna be looking at it for its anatomical correctness. And wait, there was even a clitoris! Who is that for? I mean I don't ever remember telling a woman, "Ohhh baby, I want you to rub your clitoris all over my body." I mean, isn't that for the woman? I don't think I am going to try to go down on my detachable vagina, that would be more...

The U. S. Supreme Court has ruled that there cannot be a nativity
scene in Washington, D. C. this Christmas. This isn't for any
religious reason though.
They simply have not been able to find three wise men and a virgin
in the Nation's capitol. There was no problem, however, finding
enough asses to fill the stable.

A Shorter, Harsher Titanic

(Scene 1)

KATE WINSLET: Why, this is a fancy boat, isn't it?

KATE'S WEASELLY FIANCE: Yes it certainly is. Here is the art you asked for. It is by an artist named' Picasso.' I am certain he will amount to nothing.

KATE: Ha ha ha. That is very funny to our 90's audience, because they know this priceless paintings will sink with the boat.

LEONARDO DICAPRIO: Hello, I'm Leonardo DiCaprio. Perhaps you have seen the many Internet sites dedicated to the worship of me. You are very pretty.

KATE: Thank you. So are you.

LEONARDO: I know. Prettier than you, in fact. I am going to put on my' brooding' face now, to ensure that women will keep coming back again and again to see this movie. Later, my white shirt will be soaking wet.

KATE: While you're doing that, I will concentrate on standing here and looking pretty, to keep the men in the audience interested until the boat sinks and more...

After hearing the Christmas story, and singing "Silent Night" a Sunday School Class in Sao Paulo was asked to draw what they thought the Nativity Scene might have looked like.
One boy did a good likeness of Joseph, Mary and the infant, but off to the side was a roly-poly figure.
The teacher, afraid that he had somehow worked Santa Claus into the scene asked him who that was. She wasn't sure whether she was relieved or even more worried when the boy responded, "Oh, that's Round John Virgin."

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from his recent accident were serious enough to take the trucking company responsible for the accident to court. In court, the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning farmer Joe. "Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" "Well, I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie into the--" "I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted. "Just answer the question. Did you not say, at the scene of the accident, that you were fine?" "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and was driving down the road--" "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several weeks after the accident he is trying to sue my client. I believe he is a fraud. Please tell him to simply answer the question." By this time the Judge was fairly more...

In Peoria, Illinois, police were called to the scene of a home burglary. It turned out that only one major item was missing -- an entire houseful of new wall-to-wall carpet.

The officers on the scene had no idea how to track a hot carpet. As they headed outside into the newly fallen snow to look around, they found footprints and a long, scraped trail. The officers followed the trail to a neighbor's front door. When the police entered the house, they found the stolen carpet recut and laid to fit its new home.

The man who lived there insisted that he had purchased the rug, but police showed him his own trail. He was arrested and charged with the crime.

Farmer Joe decided his injuries from the accident were serious enough to take the trucking company
(responsible for the accident) to court. In court the trucking company's fancy lawyer was questioning
farmer Joe.
"Didn't you say, at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'?" said the lawyer.
Farmer Joe responded, "Well I'll tell you what happened. I had just loaded my favorite mule Bessie
into the...."
"I didn't ask for any details," the lawyer interrupted, "just answer the question." "Did you not say,
at the scene of the accident,' I'm fine'!"
Farmer Joe said, "Well I had just got Bessie into the trailer and I was driving down the road...."
The lawyer interrupted again and said, "Judge, I am trying to establish the fact that, at the scene
of the accident, this man told the Highway Patrolman on the scene that he was just fine. Now several
weeks after the accident he is more...