"Detachable Vaginas II" joke

Ok, I know that you can really buy a detachable vagina from an adult store, but here is the problem and my story.

First of all, its very strange to go into a store and ask somebody behind the counter, "Excuse me, where do you keep the vaginas?" Only to have them respond, "Isle 12," like it's nothing, like they do this all the time. Ooops, they do.

Anyway, I am on isle 12 and there are tons of vaginas, just like they said. There are vaginas that vibrate, and I am thinking to myself, "A vibrating vagina? That could be interesting." They even have vaginas with pubic hair. Pubic hair? I'm not gonna be looking at it for its anatomical correctness. And wait, there was even a clitoris! Who is that for? I mean I don't ever remember telling a woman, "Ohhh baby, I want you to rub your clitoris all over my body." I mean, isn't that for the woman? I don't think I am going to try to go down on my detachable vagina, that would be sick.

Well, I picked one out, brought it to the counter with a movie of course. I have to be motivated don't I?

Ok, you have to know this, I bought my vagina while on the road, before my show, and I have to admit, I was a little excited. Throughout my show, all I could think about was how I was going to play with my vagina when I got home.

Ok, the show is over and I have said my good-byes... "No, I can't stay any longer, I have to get home, its a long drive," I tell them. I get into my car, and there is my vagina waiting for me. I put my seat belt on, and put the seat belt on my vagina too. I can't get into a wreck and have my vagina thrown from the car. Anyway, I am driving along the highway, and I decide to open the box, to feel my vagina, because they wouldn't let me play with my vagina in the store. Well, there is the little security tape on the box, you know, so my vagani doesn't get tainted and I am pulling and tugging on it and unknowingly, my car is swerving in and out the lane with each tug. Damn! I see the red and blue lights come on so I quickly cover up my vagina and pull over.

"Sir," the officer states, "Have you been drinking tonight?"

"No Sir, I don't drink." I responded.

"Can you tell me then, why were you swerving?" He asked.
Damn, I couldn't just tell him that I was trying to play with my vagina, so I tell him, "A mosquito was in the car and I was trying to kill it."

"Step out of the car Sir." He responded.

All I can hope for is that he doesn't want to search the car. "Sir, do you have anything in the car..." he asked.

"No!" I replied. And you could tell he knew I was nervous, because it was one of those "Yes, I'm lying no's."

He goes to his car and brings out the fucking drug dog. I mean this dog is just sniffing and sniffing. Finally he gets to my vagina. Its tied up in a bag on the front seat, with the seat belt still strapped to it. The dog starts going crazy! "Sir, what's in the bag?" I reply, "Don't I have some type of privacy?"

"Sir, if you don't tell me what's in the bag, you're going to jail," he explains. "It's my vagina." I whisper.

"Excuse me?" he yells! "It's my vagina."

"Sir, please step back." He opens the bag. "It is your vagina!?" he said, surprised. "I told you," I responded.

"Sir, please get into your vehicle and go home." I mean, if that's all I had to do to get out of a ticket, I would have pulled out my vagina when he walked up to the car!

Anyway, I finally get home and I have to sneak my vagina into the house, I don't want my woman to see that I had to go out and buy some vagina. Well, she was sleep, so I loaded up my movie and started to play with my vagina. Let me tell you, in my hand, it felt great. It was soft, and kinda squishy; it came with a shaft with little ticklers in it--I was sooooo excited. I fast-forwarded to a lesbian scene and got my vagina wet. Here goes! It's too small! Damn! The little opening was too small, and I'm thinking did I get the white model? I'm looking at the box, trying to see if it came in sizes. Nope. So I wet my vagina some more and I lube my penis up a little more. That felt great, I think my hand was a little jealous and had something to prove, but I was like, "No no no Mrs. Hand, I got me some vagina tonight!" Still too tight. I had to stick some fingers into my vagina to kinda stretch it, then I had to hold my penis and guide it in. Now the tip is in and I have to twist my vagina onto my penis like it's some kind of screw. I guess that's where the term "screwing" came from, I don't know. This is too much work and the lesbian scene is almost over. Damn! Finally I got it working, but it hurts like a mutha! I can't stop, because I paid $29.00 for this vagina and I'll be damned if I'm not going to get my money's worth. I think my vagina is going to give me blue balls. That sucks. Well, I re-winded my lesbian scene and finally hit a groove in my vagina. "Ok," I'm thinking, "This can work." Its working! Its working! Its working! Damn, my hand starts to cramp up, because you have to grip the vagina a certain way, but I am tough, I can take a little hand cramp. And my hand is probably thinking this doesn't happen when you use me, she was right. Finally, I am finished. I go to my bathroom to wash off my vagina and I am looking at it and it's torn on both sides. I can't believe this shit, I broke my vagina. The first night with my vagina and its broken already. I had big plans for my vagina, I was even going to pass it down to my son, and he his son. It was going to be like a family vagina, a coochieloom so to speak, but not anymore, because now my vagina is broken. Now I have to take my vagina back to the store to get a refund. How do you tell someone that you want a refund for a broken vagina. Hmmm, "Uhhh, I bought this vagina from you guys yesterday and ummm now the vagina is broken. I think you sold me a defective vagina." I don't think that's going to work. I can't throw it away, what happens if I throw it away, and some dog kicks over the garbage and there laying on my lawn for all the neighbors and garbage men to see, is my vagina. I'll just stick my broken vagina in the attic, yeah, the attic.

The world can be so cruel Much Love,
Bad Boy RedBean